next post ...

... is coming soon.

I got diverted a bit by replying to questions from libby and Des. You can read my replies to their questions on Beau's blog here.

Awards ...

It must be the award season again. I have just received an email from libby. In it she has let me know that she nominated me for a blog award here. Thank you libby. I am honoured and you are too kind.

By chance I have discovered that a very long standing blogger friend, Desireous, recently also nominated me for the same award here.

It is not the first time I have been nominated for this. I wrote previously about it here.

Alas, as with all good things - they seem to come with duties and responsibilities. It seems I have some questions to answer and other tasks. I think I will pass these over to my alter ego Beau where you can read all about it. Thank you very much libby and Des.

(Questions now answered on Beau's blog here.)

physical

In my previous post I discussed the relationship between the physical and psychological or emotional aspects of bdsm. There was unanimity from commenters that the psychological came to the fore. That however much one may crave the sexual or other physical aspects, in the end it was the psychological and emotional aspect that won out. They were what made the physical possible, they were what made the physical work so well.

Beau had published a link to Domina Kat's recent post confession. In it she writes very powerfully of her physical needs. So I thought I might use that as an example of real physical need as opposed to psychological. However on re-reading it the psychological element does come out from it. And Kat herself wrote in a comment, "The emotional/mental is what leads the way in our relationship."

nbs joined in the comments to the last post to point out that however much she may have recently changed and become more masochistic that did not imply that the psychological need was not at the core of her relationship. 

I suppose all needs must have a psychological element. The very word 'need' has a psychological power to it.

However surely some needs just are deep physical needs. I wonder if we may be frightened of owning up to them. Is it too dangerous to give ourselves up to our animal instincts? Surely some of what we do is to explore this aspect of ourselves ... to explore those animal needs.

No?

psychological and emotional... or just physical?

I was talking with someone last week who said he had been into masochism and now was into sadism and masochism. However he wasn't into submission or dominance. That side didn't interest him - it was purely the physical aspect that he was there for.  The same evening someone else said to me in relation to D/s and BDSM, "It's all just about sex, isn't it?"

On the post below nbs commented, "... I've found myself much less submissive and more masochistic." So is she too finding she is mostly into the physical aspect?

So how important is the physical aspect to you? If you had to chose between the psychological relationship or the physical one, which would you chose?

is dominance a rarity?

Is true dominance a rarity? I often get emails or comments from subs asking how they can turn their partner into a dominant or how they go about finding a Dom. In the past I have put this down to just the problem of meeting up with the right person in the same way that a Dom may be looking for a sub. Is it perhaps the case though that "true dominance" in reality is a rare quality? In a recent comment to an earlier post Lauren wrote, "but I haven't yet spoke to a true Dominant Person, all the so called 'Dominants' I've had, I've had to teach them how to be dominant."

I have had times where I have found it hard finding a submissive partner. Is it harder finding a Dom? Are they really so rare?

scared

A new comment was added recently to an old post here. In it Lauren wrote,

"I purposely try to be bad in order to get punished... my ultimate goal in this is that I'm so scared to disobey him that I obey him.... I want to be scared, it turns me on... Is that submissive or weird?
I also am masochistic..."

I wonder if others like to be scared? Does it turn you on? Do you have to provoke your Master to get him to scare you or do you have someone sadistic enough?

As a Dom I don't really want to scare my sub. I would not want her to be frightened of me. A little nervous anticipation though ... !

Is fear part of the dynamic for some couple? But if there is trust - is it real fear or just nervousness in anticipation of what may be to come?