Monday, 27 September 2010

Is sensuality too vanilla?

I suppose this is linked to my last post but was inspired from a different place. I was commenting on another blog - forgive me I have lost the link now even though it is a rare activity for me! The blogger seemed to have lost her desire for sex though she still craved BDSM activity. Her use of rubber and latex seemed to be almost as much a barrier to prevent skin to skin contact as a sensual fabric in its own right.

In my comment I mentioned the delight of sensual erotic massage. She responded that she did not enjoy that as it was "too vanilla".

I see sensuality as a continuum across BDSM, fetish and vanilla and am happy to embrace all of its aspects. Though what about my readers? Do you find some sensual activity too vanilla to be fun? And where does one draw the line? If I tied her up before the erotic massage would that make it okay?

Thursday, 16 September 2010

sadism, masochism and sensuality

Uncle Agony recently received an email asking for advice. The question is published here so please do comment there if you have any thoughts.

It got me thinking though about sadism, masochism and sensuality. I read a post on a message board recently that was arguing strongly that if you were into BDSM activity it should not matter whether your partner was male or female whether you were top or bottom. It argued that BDSM was about control, D/s and the administration of pain; that sex or sensuality was something completely different to be kept apart.

S, who has written to Uncle Agony would have some sympathy with this in their own case. S is not interested in sex, sensuality or fetish in this context - but finds that it seems to be inextricably linked in most places, perhaps especially the fetish aspect. I have tried to reassure S that there are many who share these feelings. It got me to wondering whether that was the definition of a sadist or masochist. It could be just the pleasure in administering or receiving pain with no regard for relationship, feelings, sensuality or sex. In such cases if it was just the administration or receipt of pain that was important. It would not matter much who the partner was as long as issues of safety had been taken into account.

I confess for myself I find that difficult but am struggling to accept it. I know someone who I care about was beaten recently by someone who describes himself as a sadist. She enjoyed it very much. If it had been me I would have beaten her with love and consideration for how the scene was going for her. But perhaps she and others wish to remove such activity from the realm of affection and personal relationships.

For me sensuality is inextricably linked with BDSM play. It is what makes it so delicious. But it would be a boring world if we all had the same needs and desires.

Tuesday, 14 September 2010


I am very aware that my links list is out of date - there are many that are no longer active. Whereas there are other people who comment regularly on here and yet more who link to me who I have not linked to. I would like to link back to friends.

I will try to rectify this soon. So do let me know if you would like a link from me. To help does anyone know of a simple Blogger gadget I can use which will identify blogs that link here? Or any other suggestions?!?!