Thursday, 28 April 2011

introducing your submisive needs to your husband part 2

The second similar email was from "London". We discussed whether she would be better discussing it openly with her husband or instead almost trying to seduce him into dominating her. You can read the emails here.

If you have a view then do please add to the comments there.

Tuesday, 26 April 2011

introducing your submissive needs to your husband

I know a number of subs who have tried to introduce their submissive needs to their husband but who have met with incomprehension or hostility. I occasionally get emails from subs who ask for advice on how to raise their needs with their husband in the hope that he will discover his Dom side and try to meet these needs. Sadly it does not always work out so well. Many husbands find it difficult to overcome their understandable desire to care for and respect their wife and find D/s and BDSM activities an anathema.

I have had two such emails recently. I have published the first on Uncle Agony here. I will publish the other in a few days. If you have similar experiences or some suggestions it would be great to read your comments over there.

Tuesday, 19 April 2011


I read a post on a message board on a contact site a few days ago.

It was titled "Angry Play".

Basically it was asking if any Doms took it out on their subs when they were angry.

My response was that "Angry Play" isn't play - it is abuse.

I did receive some support for this view and for similar views. However there were many who supported approaches to playing when one was angry.

I have written about anger before here. (It was several years ago and on reading it again found it more articulate than my present thoughts!)

I was surprised though on the message board thread that so many were accepting about different approaches to "angry play". There was a strong feeling that play could help with dissipating anger.

I wondered what my readers think. Is angry play therapeutic or abuse?

Tuesday, 12 April 2011


I am not a religious person. I do not have a religious faith.

But I do find some old churches very special, calm, peaceful places where I can reflect and consider or perhaps dream. I can even indulge myself in ritual or symbolism. A few days ago when I was visiting another city I popped into a favourite historic church. I lit a candle, thinking of some current family issues and those of a close friend. There is something appropriate (comforting?) about such rituals.

Later I remembered two others in the church who were kneeling - perhaps praying and in deep contemplation of things very close and precious to them. I thought about the symbolism of kneeling. This made me think also of subs kneeling for their Master.

In a religious sense it is a symbol (or aspect) of worship. Very powerful. Very intense. Is it this powerfulness and intensity of feeling what is being searched for in the different context of D/s? For the sub as well as for the Master. Or is it something different. Why is kneeling often used in a D/s context?

I have always asked subs to kneel for me. It has given a closeness and preciousness to our relationship - and emphasised the power relationship.

I have read suggestions that as our society becomes more secular many people who no longer have religion are looking for alternatives - such as astrology, meditation, almost anything to fill the gap left. I wondered too whether D/s or BDSM might for some be such an alternative?

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

A new question for Uncle Agony

Uncle Agony has received a question from puppy. She is a young sub having difficulty in finding a Dom to give her real time experience. You can read her email here.

If you have any suggestions I hope you may add a comment.


Monday, 4 April 2011


I have been struggling with another post all week ... and want to get it right before publishing - or perhaps just discard it. Perhaps it will be less controversial than I think but I need to word it correctly.

OK - then this is off the top of my head following on from the last post about pain and punishment.

So ...

Why punishment?

What has it got to do with BDSM and D/s?

Is it just an excuse for a sadist to administer pain or for a sub to accept pain? Is it really necessary to use punishment to express control? Surely if a Master has to punish to maintain control then he is not really in control?

How does it fit into Domestic Discipline? Positive reinforcement of acceptable behaviour has been shown to work better than punishment of bad behaviour. I would never condone spanking as an appropriate way of disciplining a child - so why for a wife (or husband)?

How does the concept of "punishment" fit in to BDSM relationships? Surely one can enjoy D/s and BDSM within their own structures and "punishment" need play no part. If I want to beat my sub or she wishes to be beaten then let's do it ... in which case it isn't punishment for either of us.

Please forgive any lightness in the argument here - just to keep you on the ball until the next post!!!!

Thank you all though for continuing to read and comment. I've had some lovely mail and thoughtful comments recently. I really do appreciate all the kind support.