Wednesday, 15 August 2018


I'm off on holiday again. In a couple for days I will be meeting Inès in Berlin. We have had some fun there before and with other friends we have met there.

One of whom has invited us to a very interesting event the day I arrive. I wonder if we will manage to get there. If not I am sure we will find something else kinky to get up to while we are there. Berlin is that kind of place...

Do you add fetish to your holidays? Is a holiday also a holiday from D/s or is it a time to spice up your relationship and find new kinds of fun...?

Sunday, 12 August 2018


This post was inspired by a comment by Fondles to my previous post Are men just wimps?  You can read her comment here.

In it she writes,
"It's easy to say, hey, sure, I'll spank / whip / hit you. But women (or so I'm told) are fickle creatures, and it's not difficult to imagine how an argument could escalate into finger pointing and police reports being filed. Anything taken out of context could sound like a crime."

Whether fickle or not, people can change their minds at a later date. They can have regrets. Things might not have turned out as wonderfully as they had hoped. Or perhaps a relationship breaks down in a resentful and acrimonious way. Reporting BDSM activities out of context would certainly be seen as abuse by the authorities.

I can imagine the interview question,
"Did you on such and such a date engage in the following activities with X..."
Then the response,
"Well, yes, BUT..."

I'm not sure how well the "BUT" would play out in such a scenario. Not well I imagine.

I wonder if this plays any part at all in the questions I asked in the previous post. Or is it anyway something that Doms should bear carefully in mind?

Thursday, 2 August 2018

Are men just wimps?

I came across a profile on Fetlife today when I clicked on an email link. It raised an issue that I have come across a number of times on Fetlife and also in emails to Uncle Agony. I have paraphrased it here:
"I've always found myself fantasising but when I've ever approached it with a partner the idea has been shut down straight away. I'm looking for hints and tips to getting a partner involved in my naughty fantasies."

At one level it can be someone who has been aroused by reading (I first wrote "coming across" but wanted to avoid the double entendre!) Fifty Shades of Grey. At another level it can be someone with a deeply submissive or masochistic personality who cannot find a partner to satisfy their needs in a safe situation. Both are inherently frustrating and where it is something deep in a person's psyche that they cannot fulfil it can be agonisingly distressing.

All the examples I have are from women in this situation. Given that men tend to be viewed as more assertive and perhaps aggressive, it is surprising that women find it so hard to find a man to dominate them or even get involved in some kinky D/s play.

An online friend had tried to get her husband to spank her as part of an attempt to develop a more D/s scenario. Despite several attempts by him to meet her needs he just could not do it. He had been brought up to be kind and considerate to women and had a deeply ingrained feeling that striking a woman was wrong.

I can understand that in a way. I believe the same in a vanilla setting. However if a submissive woman desired me to meet her needs through tying her up and spanking her - then find me the ropes and the crop! Just why do I never meet these women?

Though even I have my limits as a Dom. I would find it impossible to deliver the kinds of beating that some masochistic women crave.

Perhaps after all we men are just wimps.