Tuesday, 22 February 2011

submission, pain and masochism

I have written about pain before here. However a conversation with an online friend has got me thinking about it again.

There is a big difference between a submissive and a masochist. There is no reason why a submissive should enjoy pain whereas a masochist revels in it.

Few of us will seek out pain except under special circumstances. However the masochist - and also the sub who begins to learn the pleasure of pain - know of the endorphins that are released that can take one to a special place.

That can be rare for many. It is also different from submission. I think though that the acceptance of pain can be enjoyed by a submissive without the endorphine rush as part of the submissive act. The fact that one would normally avoid pain (after all it is a natural sensation to warn us of danger and potential damage) makes it a very submissive act to accept pain from one's Dom. It can become a measure of the submission - a proof of the depth of it - an acceptance of control and the will of their Master.

So the pleasure in pain can be just a delight in one's own acceptance of control and the will of one's Master. If it were pleasureable in itself then perhaps it would not show and illustrate that acceptance of control and domination - the will to please one's Master despite the pain.

So the pain for a sub who is not naturally a masochist may be very different. However I wonder if this pleasure in accepting pain for a Master turns eventually into accepting pain as a pleasure in its own right. The fact that one is pleasing one's Master though accepting pain gives pleasure and satisfaction that leads one to seek it out ...

... does one then become a masochist?

For a sub in domestic discipline perhaps it is different again. In such cases a spanking or other beating is to control - to punish inappropriate behaviour. If one began to enjoy the spankings ... then surely it would no longer be a punishment and the discipline has gone?

Forgive these initial fumblings. It is a complex subject and I am eager to hear from readers. I have tried to write this from the perspective of the sub - and I have no experience of this. I will try to write later from the perspective of the Dom.

But for now - the sub's perspective. Am I wide of the mark?

Sunday, 20 February 2011


I am struggling with a new post at the moment. I started writing a new post about pain - but am having difficulty with it. While I whip it into shape you might be interested in the following.

I wrote a little while ago about "topping from the bottom".

I have just discovered that someone has used it as the basis for a discussion on Fetlife. If you are a member you can read the fascinating discussion here.

I may try to publish a brief synopsis of it in a comment - unless anyone else feels the urge to do so!

Thank you HisSoleProperty for using my thoughts to engender further discussion of this topic. It is interesting to see how a different group of people have responded to it.

More about 'pain' soon!

Monday, 14 February 2011

lonely heart

Searching for that special sub ...

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

face slapping

I read a story by an online friend. In it, early on a first meeting the Dom slapped the sub across the face. He later repeated it. My friend confided that it was actually a true story.

I wrote to her that I was not sure I would have been so courageous as a Dom on a first meeting. There is something so very powerful and dramatic and potentially humiliating in a face slap - apart also from the pain and potential damage! Unless of course it had been agreed before the meeting as appropriate play. She told me that before the meeting she would have considered it a hard limit but at the time it moved her and created a passionate arousal.

It is not always like this though. I have seen two bdsm video clips where face slapping had clearly not been discussed beforehand. In each the actress - despite being involved in other very intense play - was upset and shaken by the face slapping to the extent that the scene had to be adapted.

I wonder what it is about this particular act that is somehow so personal and powerful? Any ideas? Do you enjoy/accept/endure face slapping as donor or recipient?

Tuesday, 1 February 2011


I mentioned in my earlier post about mentoring that I was also thinking about "protection". I had been discussing this with blossom. She has written a post about it here.

There has been some discussion about it in the comments. I tend to agree with Dauntless Vitality in his comment here that it is most often seen on social networking sites. Sometimes a sub will even describe herself as "under Protection" as a way of avoiding too much unwanted and unsolicited mail from Doms.

Alice in her comment speculated on whether another sub could be a protector. I can imagine some scenarios where this would work but blossom was more dubious. I wonder what other readers feel about that?

By coincidence I had an email the other day from a sub who had recently been 'placed "Under Protection" '. With her agreement I have published it on Uncle Agony here. I feel her protector was overstepping the mark - I would be interested to know there whether others agree. However his description of the role of a protector seems very good.

So - what does protection in this sense mean to you? Is it something completely different? Is there a place for this in D/s?