Tuesday, 27 March 2018

body modification again

When I wrote about humiliation recently I pointed out that my original post on Humiliation was one of the most visited on the blog. The next most visited, interestingly is about body-modification.

There are quite few quotes and some discussion but the examples given were mostly of piercings and weight control. The most extreme was perhaps the weight loss of a sub who I knew whose Dom had her reduce her weight extremely dramatically.

There seemed general agreement that plastic surgery was a hard limit. I wonder then what readers think of this from a profile on Fetlife,

"I Must Live With the Results of Several Forced Cosmetic "DOLL" Surgeries:
Bondage and whippings, CP, (but not beatings), when deserved, are essential to a Sadistic Master and sub relationship built on trust. Punishment and discipline may be necessary to encourage me to do as I am told, or for his pleasure. But, when trust is abused, so is the submissive. A relationship that leaves one with irreversible cosmetic “DOLL” surgeries utters abuse as well. Since I cannot change what was done to me, I now am a living doll whore.

I have learnt to accept my modified DOLL body and face. I am trying my best to keep it acceptable and that activity, like a job, occupies much of my time, and helps define my life except for my sometimes annoying fake rubber doll BOOBS and permanent RINGS."

Though the sub concerned seems again to have put herself in a very vulnerable position, yet seems to revel in that situation. So there is part of her perhaps who likes being that "doll whore".

She describes what was done to her as abuse - and I think it was. I wonder if there are readers who have had plastic surgery as part of their D/s relationship or other serious body modification - or are a Dom who has required it?

Can this ever be justifiable or is it always abuse?

Sunday, 18 March 2018


In a previous post a little while ago about humiliation Jz wrote here that while humiliation just didn't work for her in a scene, "vulnerability works ever-so well!"

That got me thinking about vulnerability. I'm not sure I have completed my thoughts on it so perhaps readers can help me with their own thoughts.

From a Dominants point of view a sense of vulnerability in a partner can be very attractive. Perhaps it is just the fact that they have trusted you so deeply as to put themselves in that situation in relation to you. It somehow seems to imply a strong emotional bond. I suppose any one to one bondage play provides this situation. However there can be something just in demeanour at any time that can give this impression of vulnerability and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Though in a wider sense it can be a problem. Where someone is described as 'vulnerable' it may be that we are worried about them - that perhaps they are in danger of being take advantage of or even abused. Perhaps it is this danger in being vulnerable that gives it its power when placed in a context of trust and perceived safety. Or to truly be 'vulnerable', does there have to be a slight fear that things might not go exactly as one planned or hoped?

How does it feel though to be vulnerable. What is the attraction for Jz and others who can delight in its frisson? What does it feel like? Can it turn from a positive feeling to a negative one? How does one keep the positive feeling and avoid the negative one? It is important for a Dom to have some awareness of this. It is clearly important that a delightful sense of vulnerability in a scene does not suddenly turn into fear and distress.

Any thoughts?

Saturday, 10 March 2018


I have been thinging about this a lot recently in a variety of contexts.

I am sure I have written on here before about the importance of touch. I have been thinking about it recently and discussing it with friends partly in relation to the variety of discussion that has led from the #metoo movement and consequences in the UK at least where allegations of inappropriate touching - interpreted as sexual harassment or assault - have led to serious consequences for the people concerned, I am not wanting to get into that debate in this post. However I think it has made people more concious of the way they touch others and the appropriateness of that.

There is a positive side to that in that men in particular need to understand that there are occasions where physical contact is not welcome or appropriate and may be extremely unwelcome. However there is a negative side where touching can become forbidden in many contexts as a way of ensuring that no physical contact is inappropriate.

This has been developing in the UK for decades - and much of it for very good reasons. Where one is working in a professional context with children, vulnerable people or with the opposite sex on a one to one basis there has been a focus on such issues. Though truly it refers to any human reaction with another - though where there is a power relationship it becomes more of an issue.

Last year I had to have a slightly uncomfortable medical procedure. Whilst it took place a nurse placed her hand on my shoulder and I found that very comforting. Fortified by the medication coursing through my system I made a point of telling her that as I was aware that in some contexts that might have been thought of as inappropriate - perhaps especially if it had been a male nurse and a female patient. The nurse asked me to repeat my thoughts in the comments form I would receive to fill in later as she had already had discussions with the doctor about this.

Perhaps the issue about touching is where it is inappropriate because of a power relationship...

But I will leave that for now. I have gone on far more than intended. I think physical contact between people is important. It is comforting and supportive. I recognise that many women in particular may have had experiences where such hugs have become too intimate and inappropriate. However I think it is important that we find ways of working round that and recognising the value of touch. Hugs are good.

Do read this article that prompted me to write again about this issue:

No hugging: are we living through a crisis of touch?

Wednesday, 7 March 2018

hypnosis and control

Recently I came across a some adult oriented videos about hypnosis. In several of them the hypnotist brought the subject to orgasm just through the power of suggestion. The subjects all seemed to have enjoyed themselves (some of them very much so!)

There was one site I cam across though where the hypnotist was promoting private videos he had made with a number of women where they were hypnotised to orgasm, many of them in a bdsm type of context. Interestingly he used some of the techniques of a Dom - such as saying "good girl" etc, though he was trying to create a D/s context.

It might just be because I found him slightly sleezy that I was a little uncomfortable about the videos. Some years ago I was at a performance where one of the acts was a hypnotist. There was nothing adult about this performance but again I found myself a bit uncomfortable about it. All the participants were volunteers but I did not like the way that they were being made foolish. For instance one man was asked to say something special to his girlfriend. He got down on one knee and proposed marriage to her. At this she was very shocked and clearly unhappy about his proposal! In some of the adult videos the hypnotist encouraged (tricked?) the subjects into intimate contact with him. I am sure parameters will have been discussed beforehand and if the subjects had been unhappy with the final product no doubt he would not have wanted to publish it. He was also using techniques to encourage women to orgasm that helped him get past their natural reticence. For some this may have been great - and was in some achieving a quality of orgasm they said they had not experienced before. I can imagine it might be brilliant to help some women achieve orgasm who may not have been able previously for psychological reasons.

There is a but though...

... or maybe it is just a question.

D/s and much BDSM is about different levels of control. It can be about giving oneself completely into the control of another. It is what "power exchange" is all about. This level of hypnosis seemed to be the ultimate in 'control'. The subject has consented to be hypnotised so where is the problem? I think it is that however much it is discussed beforehand the subject cannot know fully all that is going to be done. Once under hypnosis there is no safe-word. Once hypnotised one can no longer give or retract consent. I think given this, some of his actions could have been regarded as sexual assault.

I wonder if I am just being too over the top about this. After all If a sub allows herself to be bound and gagged by her Dom to be used by him in a scene then surely this is no different?

Any thoughts???

Tuesday, 6 March 2018


Ooops - is it really so long since I posted?

You will think I have forgotten you. No of course I haven't done that, just been remarkably busy with other things.

New post tomorrow, I promise.


P xx