Wednesday, 26 September 2012

wild cat at Uncle Agony

I received an email recently from wild cat for inclusion on the Uncle Agony blog. It is an interesting question as it combines together a few different issues that others have raised. I hope you might have time to have a look and add a comment.

You will find the email and my response here.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

new to all this

Since starting this blog I occasionally get emails from readers asking me for advice. That is very flattering and I always try to reply honestly and supportively. However I know that I am not the font of all knowledge - especially in this area. That is why I set up the Uncle Agony blog. It was a place where with agreement with the writer - I could share emails so that others could offer their perspective and advice.

I have noticed though that a number of emails have been from female subs new to this world. They often have little knowledge and sometimes false preconceptions of what their role should be and of what they should expect from a dominant partner. Many seem to feel that they have given up rights and that they should accept anything that a dominant demands. They worry that if things go wrong it must be their own fault as they are inexperienced and less knowledgeable.

I worry that many new subs are in a vulnerable position and place themselves in situations where manipulative or ignorant Doms can abuse them.

This may not even be with people new to this life. A sub friend who had been abandoned by her Dom after many years discovered that her preconceptions were wrong when she met with new Doms and that she had been misled and used badly by her Dom during that time. Another, partly from reading this blog, realised she was being abused rather than in a true D/s relationship and got divorced.

The purpose of this blog was to investigate ethical issues relating to D/s - partly to help me formulate my own thoughts and to investigate potential contradictions. It saddens me though that there are those who may be being manipulated and abused by unscrupulous people who misuse power over those who trust them.

Monday, 10 September 2012

self harm and BDSM

I discovered recently that someone who was once very close to me has started cutting herself. I had suspected for some time that she might have been considering this and had worried about it. I know she would not welcome any contact from me so I feel helpless in being unable to offer her support. In any case I do not know what that support could be other than friendship and kindness which she has already rejected.

I have always been very squeamish and find blood or even the thought of cutting skin very upsetting and off-putting. I find it hard to read positive statements from those who self harm about the beauty and satisfaction of the blood following the knife.

It made me reflect too on the fact that there are many in the BDSM world who enjoy knife play and blood and playing with needles. I wondered how this differed from self harm if the power was given to someone else to do the cutting and piercing. Is the desire for it the same as in self harm or is the BDSM context totally different, meeting very different needs?