Wednesday, 26 June 2019


Do you like being bruised? Do you celebrate bruises? Do you display them and show them off?

Fetlife, for instance, is full of pictures on members' profiles displaying colourful and in some cases very severe bruising.

Do you like causing bruises? What is the balance between the visual effect you are creating and the pain caused?

What is it about bruising?

In researching for this post I came across this very good piece of writing by Kristen about bruising:
I love getting marked up. I love the little dark fingerprints that fade to yellow on my upper arms, the purple signs of a shoulder bite, the teeth marks on my inner thighs. ... But what I really like are the bruises, bigger and more colorful in the light of day. I like the memory of what we did last night blooming on my skin as I strip for the morning’s shower. I like a big bouquet of them, spread across my shoulders and neck and thighs, proof that someone wanted me so badly they had to grab and bite and sometimes break skin. I like to show them off; ... Bruises take work, to give and get. 

I recommend you read the whole piece which puts the bruising described into proper context. I have slightly misrepresented it here through editing for the purposes of this post. You will find it here.

Is the pleasure in bruises a delightful memory of a special event?

For some though it seems to be the bruising itself. There seems to sometimes be a competitive element. "My bruises are bigger/brighter/more colourful than yours!" Or is it an eagerness to show how much one can take - in a kind of "I am more masochistic than you" kind of way? Or if it is the Dom showing off bruises caused is this a way of showing what a sadist they can be!

It doesn't quite work because people mark differently. Everybody's skin and flesh is different. Newbies can mark very easily whereas those who receive regular spanking may find it harder to get marked.

The whole issue is all discussed much more articulately and personally than I have managed by Kristen in the link above. I fear I may have come over rather dismissively about bruising whereas Kristen writes about it beautifully in a positive way.

So what about you? Are there pictures of your bruised bottom or breasts on your blog or on Fetlife? If so do explain to me the pleasure or satisfaction it gives you.

Do you find it a turn-on or a turn-off to look at?

Do tell me about your attitude to bruising...

Wednesday, 19 June 2019


I have at last got round to deleting all the broken links on the sidebar of this page. Or at least, I hope I have!

I have also taken down most of the ones that have not been updated for some time. Many of them seemed to have stopped round about seven or eight years ago. I wondered what happened in the blogosphere then for so many to suddenly stop. If I have taken down your link in error or you have started again do let me know.

I became quite wistful taking some of them down. Many were by people who I had been very friendly with online. It reminded me of some good friendships and some fun times. It also got me wondering about how they were doing now. So if you are one of them - do get in touch, say hi and let me know how you are doing!

I am aware, because it is so long since I revised the list, that there are many people who comment on here where I have not linked to your own blog or website. I have started to try to put some new links on but I know I have still missed many. So if you are a regular reader or commenter, or if you link to my blog, then please let me know and I will try to put a link also to you.

Wednesday, 12 June 2019

hugs and cuddles

I'm very positive about the value of hugs and cuddles and have written about it here before. There are some particularly interesting comments and discussion from visitors to the blog on the posts 'hugs heal' and 'bondage and hugs' - and also on the post 'touch'.

I have been reminded about this recently by a couple of things.

Firstly I came across an announcement by a new member of Fetlife that he was offering cuddles as a paid service. This amused me because many, many years ago as part of some banter on a messageboard I offered the same service as a joke and even set up a simple website. I think it was 'Hubert Hugs Inc' and was all very tongue in cheek. It created a very humorous thread and that was just about the end of it. So I was very interested to see that someone actually seemed to be offering this service for real and wondered if that was a joke too. You can see one of his ads here.

I sent him a message, telling him about Hubert. He wrote back to say that not only was it not a joke but that he was doing well. He wrote,
"I'm actually doing OK. I get about 3 meets a week mainly from instagram unfortunately they deleted my profile. I did have 11k followers. I have regulars but they tend to be once a month. I've limited the area I travel now as well which has had a knock on effect. I'm sure I'll pick up a few more clients on here."

Then a few days ago I saw an article in the Guardian newspaper. You can read it here. It describes services offered by a new company Nordic Cuddle. They offer cuddles with a variety of "cuddle practitioners" from £65 for an hour. They make many claims for the outcomes of such sessions for your general wellbeing and health. The sessions are described as totally platonic with clear boundaries which can be adapted to individuals.

Now when does a hug turn into a cuddle? And when does a cuddle become slightly more than "platonic"? The Guardian writer describes how in his session,
"She holds my hand as we talk. Then we try a standing hug, breathing in unison. She strokes my back. After a while, we move on to the bed. We try a few positions, her head on my chest, then mine on hers. There is full body squeezing, leg entwining, fingertip massage."

Now that seems to be becoming more sensual in nature - stroking, his head on her "chest", squeezing, leg entwining, fingertip massage. When does 'stroking' become 'caressing'? Leg entwining seems to be somewhat more than the platonic hugs that Hubert was offering!

When I was last in Berlin I noticed a cuddle event on Fetlife. It looked interesting. I like the idea of a group cuddle event. This one started with purely platonic cuddling but after a break turned into more sensual cuddling for those who wanted it. I would have liked to have gone but it clashed with other arrangements. It seems to have moved on a bit with the sensual and even kinky side. The next event is on Fetlife here.

There seem to be a number of other cuddle events across the world. For instance I noticed one in Perth, Australia and a commercial firm in Montreal, Canada that has a website here.

So if cuddling parties and firms offering cuddling therapies are advertising on Fetlife - has cuddling now become a fetish?

I hug friends of both sexes. However I am boringly heterosexual and would only feel comfortable having a cuddle with someone of the opposite sex. Does't that make it sexual in some way? Or at least sensual? At any rate something less than platonic. So when these firms such as Nordic Cuddle and Calia claim to be offering purely platonic services can that really be the case? I am not suggesting they are offering additional services. I am just questioning whether a cuddle can always be purely platonic in nature. If so then why are photographs of the professional cuddles shown on both of these websites? Again, I sincerely am not trying to attack either of these companies in any way. In fact I am sure I would enjoy the services they offer and benefit from them. I am sure people do gain benefits from them as I know that hugs and touch are important. I am merely trying to investigate the nature of cuddling. And after all if cuddles really are sensual in nature then where is the harm in that?

In fact I must look up the Berlin one when I am next there which is open about the sensual nature of the cuddling.

Perhaps Hubert gave up with his enterprise too soon. If I had kept with it I might by now have had an international chain of cuddle therapy salons.

Anyone fancy a cuddle?

First session free to all commenters on this blog!

Tuesday, 4 June 2019

masturbation 3 - masturbation and BDSM

OK, so now we are getting comfortable about discussing masturbation with friends and strangers - what about masturbation in a BDSM context? One thinks of masturbation as pleasuring oneself, which of course it is. But when that becomes controlled by another then it can become a powerful tool in a D/s context. It can be used in contrasting ways - through denial or through demand.

A sub friend of mine once had an online Dom who would control her masturbation. On some days he would instruct her via text or email to masturbate at various times during the day. This could be into double figures.

Other Doms might refuse permission for their subs to masturbate. There is a whole range of chastity devices available for men and women. Some for men look extremely painful in the ways they are designed to prevent or punish arousal. Trying to create arousal in such a situation might a be a fun activity for a cruel Domme.

Another cruel play scenario is where a sub might be constantly instructed to arouse themselves but refused permission to orgasm. There must be multiple BDSM games that can be played using masturbation - some of these from a distance. Many Dom's like to keep their subs aroused as ongoing training.

Have you ever used or had used on you a compulsion to masturbate or a prohibition of masturbation in a BDSM context? Or perhaps you have other examples of how masturbation can be used within BDSM play? Or even fantasies...