Thursday, 29 October 2015

sensual domination

I recognised myself straight away! In this blog post from the website Deviance and Desire. The website looks to be a very well thought-out and useful resource from what I have seen of it so far.

The blog post asked the question, "What is Sensual Domination?" What it described as a sensual Dom very much reflected how I see myself. I have just checked, and yes "A sensual Dom ..." is the text at the start of my Fetlife profile!

It wasn't just that they identified the same concept. it was that what they described certainly chimed with what I think of as sensual domination and perhaps my approach to a certain extent.

The only part that I had slight disagreement with was, "Sensual Domination tends to be much less about physical restraint and more about mental captivation." For me restraint can be such a sensual act in itself and lead to all sorts of sensual possibilities that I do often like to restrain my subs.

So what do readers like? Are you a sensual Dom - or are you more what they describe as a Domly Dom, a Responsive Top or a Service Top? And what do submissives prefer? Do you like the sensuality of domination in this way or do you get off on more physically masochistic submission or perhaps humiliation?

Do tell all!!!

Thursday, 22 October 2015

further reading

I have found the discussion on my previous post emotional sadism very stimulating. I am moving towards the feeling that one of the key issues is the lack of comprehension of society at large that sadism and masochism of any kind could be a key part of a loving and caring relationship. So perhaps the issue relates as much to physical sadism as it does to emotional sadism. mouse wrote in the discussion that some commenters to her own blog found it difficult to recognise that punishment could be accompanied by consent.

There have been lots of discussions on here in the past about the relationships and distinctions between punishment and consent and also bdsm and abuse. The most recent one was only a couple of weeks ago here - it may be worth contrasting it with a very early one from 2008 here. So rather than going over the same ground again I thought it might be worth linking to some of the previous posts for any who are interested in discussing these issues further. These are a some I discovered quickly:

when D/s turns into abuse

abuse and bdsm

punishment and domestic discipline

domination, pain and sadism

avoiding abusive Doms

domestic abuse


I am sure there are lots more but these are a few I have found for a start. If you have any more thoughts please do post them in a comment below.

Thursday, 15 October 2015

emotional sadism

We have discussed emotional sadism here once before though a very long time ago. You can read the previous discussion here. I have started thinking about it again since I noticed that "emotional sadism" is a search term used often to find this blog. In particular a recent search found this blog from the Google entry "healthy emotional sadism and bdsm".

I feel that emotional sadism is not part of bdsm. Rather it is a kind of abuse. What would emotional masochism be and how could that be healthy? What would count as "healthy emotional sadism" and how would that fit in with bdsm practice?

On Googling "emotional sadism" I find most of the entries seem very negative. However I suppose that would be the case if I just Googled "sadism". So can there be a positive way of experiencing emotional sadism within a bdsm context?

Thursday, 8 October 2015

blood and gore

I'm afraid I am not into blood and gore. In fact I have an aversion to it. I turn my eyes away from movie scenes where there is bloody violence. I have a fear of cutting and piercing the skin. I can literally go feint at the sight of blood and once many years ago nearly passed out during a first aid lecture on the circulation of the blood.

I know though that there are many who really get off on  knife play, piercing and severe beatings that break the skin. Inès and I went to a local event last weekend which we enjoyed very much. However there were at least three events of play that we saw that included the spilling of blood. Early on we met a woman wrapped in a towel, coming from the shower area. The towel was stained in blood and she still had blood seeping from wounds on her back. Later we watched a couple involved in some very sensual play but which introduced knife play as it got close to the end. The final part of this was a thin cut drawing blood down the sub's back. Close to the time we planned to leave we were playing ourselves in a room where we could see through an observation window into a corridor with a view through to the next room. There a sub was being beaten severely and her bottom was covered in blood - so much so that I drew the curtain, not to prevent others watching us but so as not to have to see the other scene myself!

Discussing the day together later I did wonder about the amount of blood spillage and how safe this was at a public event. I know other events where cutting and needles are not allowed or sometimes only allowed in a specified area. Many events have 'dungeon Masters' present in all the play rooms who are empowered to stop any play if it is felt too severe or outside the rules for the event. There was no monitoring of the rooms at the event last weekend.

I am interested in the views of others who may frequent events more regularly than me. Was this event typical? Alternatively was it unusual in allowing blood spillage in a fairly uncontrolled way without monitoring from any of the organisers? This event was not billed as an extreme one - in fact there is a similar event at the same venue by invitation only which seems to concentrate on this more extreme play.

Am I right to be cautious or am I just being a wimp?

Friday, 2 October 2015

bdsm and depression

In my last post I gave an example of someone who had problems of depression as part of her bipolar disorder. She found bdsm activity helpful not least in channeling her desire for self harm in more positive directions. This was a fictional example but I wrote it as I have known and known of  real people who have found bdsm activity could help them divert their needs to self harm.

I have also known a number of submissive women who have experienced depression in various degrees who found bdsm activity and D/s helpful in significant and different ways. I have written about it on the blog before several times - most recently (I think, though exactly fiver years ago!) here. On an even older post I also raised possible connections with low self-esteem.

I was reminded of the issue not just from last weeks post but also because a reader found an earlier post through Googling "can bdsm help with depression"

So what do readers think? Can bdsm help with depression?