Tuesday, 25 October 2011


Some of you may know that for a few years I used to visit escorts. I had been faithful to my wife throughout my marriage until then. I needed something else and knew I could not handle an affair so ...

My first Beau blog - beau de jour - was about those experiences.

The power exchange part of an escort encounter is interesting. Most would assume the power is held by the man - the client. He is paying for sex so has the power. However I feel it is - and perhaps has to be for safety - the opposite. The escort lays down the rules on what can and cannot take place. She sets the boundaries - the hard limits if you like. These are necessary to protect her emotional safety as well as her physical safety. On the escort websites there are long lists in the services often of what they do or do not provide. The FAQ pages emphasise this even more. Very, very few escorts advertise themselves as submissive though many will provide Domme services.

They are the ones who need to be in power in this exchange. If the man (client) was in charge - then why would he have to pay? LOL

So much of relationships is about power and our interpretation of this. That I guess is what D/s and BDSM is all about. Even in D/s and BDSM there are long disputes about power - for example discussions on "topping from the bottom". Perhaps all relationships are about power but D/s is more open about it. Perhaps also D/s is the only one where one partner claims to desire to be the one to relinquish all power to the other.

Is D/s just different ends of a continuum of power exchange within all relationships?

Monday, 17 October 2011

dominance and obedience

A couple of weeks ago I published an email question here on Uncle Agony. I was a little surprised to see it generated only one comment whereas the previous post had provoked a much larger response. Clearly some questions are seen as more interesting than others or can give rise to more ideas of support.

Perhaps it was because the question seemed to be more of a domestic issue than a D/s issue. However for me there were some key D/s points.

To summarise briefly signed loving has fallen out with her husband's (also her Dominant) family. He wants her to go and make up with them. She finds that difficult. Her husband rather than instructing her to do so has not pushed her but wants her to resolve it when she is ready.

I think there is an issue as to whether in a domestic discipline situation her husband should instruct her to resolve the problem. It is clearly distressing to him and she has promised obedience. So should he not just tell her to sort things out and expect it to be done. He seems to be being very reasonable, recognising the consequences of forcing an issue that might be very important to his wife. However isn't the point of a domestic discipline relationship that the husband takes responsibility and should decide what needs to be done and instruct it to happen?

Also from the wife's point of view as she wants to please her husband and not spoil the "bliss" of their current relationship - should she not instigate what is necessary to resolve the situation from her own initiative? Does she not have a duty to bow to her husbands wishes rather than putting her own feelings first?

It just seems to me that the response to the question might be different in a domestic discipline relationship as opposed to in a vanilla relationship.

Any thoughts?