Sunday, 29 April 2018


I am not particularly a fan of latex and rubber or that particular kink. However I was recently introduced to a website which included some well shot short video clips of women dressed in tight fitting rubber latex mostly with a BDSM theme.

I found the tight figure hugging and figure forming nature of the clothing attractive. What got me thinking though was that with the face masks that were part of it - there was a dehumanising aspect to it which created a strong objectification. That made me wonder whether rather than a fetish for the materials themselves it was that objectification aspect which made it so attractive in a D/s or BDSM context. Though for me BDSM is very personal, that is part of the point and the pleasure of it.

I wonder if others have thoughts about this. Do you have experience of this kind of fetish wear? Do you find it attractive in others? Do you find it erotic? Does this come from the look and feel of it - or is the objecification aspect part of the pleasure?

Sunday, 22 April 2018


This post is triggered by radio segment I was listening to recently. There was a discussion of domestic abuse and when and how to intervene.

If a friend or a work colleague had a black eye one would be concerned and ask how they got it. The "walked into a door" answer may well be true but can sometimes cause suspicion. A sympathetic response is all that may be needed. However if facial bruising starts to occur with increasing frequency then one may feel a need to offer greater support - just the person knowing you are there to listen if necessary, perhaps, or maybe a more questioning response expressing concern and offering advice and/or support.

Within many domestic abuse cases the, abuse if not actually consensual, is recognised as part of a relationship which they need or value. One cannot make the person seek help or leave the relationship. Offers of support may often be rejected.

But what if the marks are not on the face but elsewhere on the body. Most often they would not be noticed. Regular bruising to the buttocks would only be noticed in a more intimate relationship. Yet these bruises may be nothing to worry about but part of a loving BDSM or D/s relationship. We have heard from subs who enjoy being marked or bruised to show off  their submission. So we would presumably regard that as being ok.

In an earlier post I discussed a woman who'd had significant cosmetic surgery as part of her BDSM relationship. This was I assume completely consensual at the time. However in the comments the discussion tended to take the view that this was not acceptable.

Which gets me to my question - "when..."

When should one be concerned? When should one start to express such concern? All these cases have a large element of consent though may not be enjoyed at the time. Even scenes in BDSM relationships may not be 'enjoyed' at the time. So is that then all ok? Some are clearly unacceptable and wrong. Surely there comes a time when one is concerned, worried and wondering how best to offer support. Or are we just then being nosy and interfering?

When should we risk the rejection of a friend or colleague and express serious concern?

And how should one go about it?

Sunday, 15 April 2018

the inquisitiveness of the vanilla world

In an earlier post I talked of some questions from the vanilla world. There was a part of the thread of comments that wondered if the original correspondent who had many questions secretly desired to experience the world of BDSM.

However Jz in her comment here wrote:
I actually have been peppered with questions by more than one of my friends who aren't kinky but aren't afraid to ask why I am... which is why I did, I'll admit, get a bit twitchy at the assumptions that Anon's curiosity must be based in a secret desire to try it. That may often be the case but it is not invariably so. Some people are naturally of a curious bent. (As one friend said, "We aren't nosey, just interested!")

Which got me wondering about the interest of the vanilla world about the world of Kink and BDSM.

I am sure there are some who are curious because they wonder if there might be aspects that they would enjoy. Much of the edge of BDSM and kink is finding its way into popular fantasy through the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon. Perhaps some people's sexual interest has been piqued. I think also for some BDSM is a fantasy but may always remain just that.

There will be others though like the correspondent and Jz's friends who have no interest in partaking but are fascinated completely because of the fact that they just don't get it. Their interest is not because they think they might like it but exactly the opposite - they can't understand why anyone would like it! A friend watched the Lars Von Trier film Nymphomaniac and thought that the masochistic beating scene was what typically happened in a BDSM relationship so we were keen to disabuse her of that mistake! There may be many other misunderstandings - or just a complete incomprehension of the psychology and emotional aspects of it.

Or perhaps there is a continuum between those who are secretly interested and those who are horrified by the thought of it.

Have you ever discussed it with vanilla friends? Where did they fit onto this spectrum?

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

marks of submission...

As a submissive do you enjoy something to mark your submission? As a dominant to you enjoy your sub being marked in a way that shows her submission? These signs can be important to some.

Sometimes it may be just pleasure in the marks left from a scene - rope marks perhaps or the weal left by a stroke of the cane.

Perhaps you have something more permanent, a collar or other special thing you wear constantly. For some they may be just worn when alone to help move into that mind-space.

Might it be something more permanent? A tattoo perhaps?

Who has been marked? Does it give you pleasure?