Wednesday, 6 February 2008


A sub friend talked to me of an experience she'd had with a sadistic Dom.

The scene was totally consensual - but the boundaries got stretched in ways neither of them had imagined at the start of the session. She was badly beaten. So badly beaten that the Dom felt traumatised that he could have done such a thing to her.

So where did he go for support? To the sub of course. He expected her to support him in coming to terms with what he had done with no thought of the trauma that she had undergone - both physically and emotionally.

Surely his first thought should have been to support her rather than seeking support for himself? Should that not be a duty for a Dom to support his sub when she has been taken to such unplanned and extreme places?

Yet he only thought of himself.

The self-centredness of some Doms never ceases to amaze me.


trinity pup said...

i'm here!!! What a great thought- provoking read... and yes very wrong of the Dom to not ensure his sub had support she needed... Thats the thing with this lifestyle, there are those Doms who forget that we are, as i keep saying, only human... emotions run intensely deep and more thought needs to be given.

*hugs* It's good to be here :-)

t. x

Anonymous said...

Dearest Pygar,

There seems to be a lot of that with Doms (not you, of course!). They get that Dom-is-God complex and when things go wrong they quickly dissolve into the realization that they are just a man..and have no way to deal with the fallout. And who else is there to pick up the pieces?? Just the sub...who, as you point out, has intense needs of her own...

I'm glad you are talking about these types of things...

~A~ xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hidenka said...

Hello Pygar, I am at last making a commment here :)

From my own, quite limited experience of the world of D/s, I have often seen much more strength in the sub then in the Dom. I know in my own pairing, Sensei needs me more then I need him. There are other Dom's out there that would be willing to have me, but I have chosen to stay with my Dom and work with him through his roller coaster. There are benefits in my staying with him of course, ones that I can't put into words.

I have seen the selfishness that can come from Dom's in this kind of situation. When Sensei saw the darkness that is in himself (that is not something that ALL Dom's have), he retreated in fear, and felt that I was the only one who could help him. Yes, it was selfish of him, and other Dom's. I would like to hope that it is something that can be overcome. That it is part of growing as a Dom. Because for me it is all about growing and changing into something more with a person that gives you something amazing.

I have rambled on! I hope I got my point across properly. Please excuse me dear Pygar!

Your blog is quite thought-provoking! I enjoy it very much. More posts please! :)

Much Love

Pygar said...

Thank you all for your comments - I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond.

It is important I think, as t says, to remember always that we are real human beings with real feelings and emotions and not just roles in a scenario.

I know, as A says, that there is the danger that having been accepted as the Dom we begin to believe it a little too much and don't reflect enough on our own capabilities and the implications of our actions.

And Hidenka - you were certainly not rambling and have described another fascinating dynamic. In the end it must be a way of us each trying to meet the needs of ones we care for.

Thank you all again for such constructive comments.