Tuesday, 25 October 2011


Some of you may know that for a few years I used to visit escorts. I had been faithful to my wife throughout my marriage until then. I needed something else and knew I could not handle an affair so ...

My first Beau blog - beau de jour - was about those experiences.

The power exchange part of an escort encounter is interesting. Most would assume the power is held by the man - the client. He is paying for sex so has the power. However I feel it is - and perhaps has to be for safety - the opposite. The escort lays down the rules on what can and cannot take place. She sets the boundaries - the hard limits if you like. These are necessary to protect her emotional safety as well as her physical safety. On the escort websites there are long lists in the services often of what they do or do not provide. The FAQ pages emphasise this even more. Very, very few escorts advertise themselves as submissive though many will provide Domme services.

They are the ones who need to be in power in this exchange. If the man (client) was in charge - then why would he have to pay? LOL

So much of relationships is about power and our interpretation of this. That I guess is what D/s and BDSM is all about. Even in D/s and BDSM there are long disputes about power - for example discussions on "topping from the bottom". Perhaps all relationships are about power but D/s is more open about it. Perhaps also D/s is the only one where one partner claims to desire to be the one to relinquish all power to the other.

Is D/s just different ends of a continuum of power exchange within all relationships?


Anonymous said...

LOL at the "then why would he have to pay" comment.

T.A.B said...

What exactly is this top/bottom thing? I've heard the term quite frequently but I am not quite sure what it is exactly. If you could care to explain this to me, I'd be delighted to no more.

In the mean time you should take a look at my blog as well. You don't have to stick around or anything just give it a visit. (:

Have a good one!


Storm said...

I do think that D/s is just different ends of a continuum of power exchange within all relationships.
There is a tendency for one partner to come out on top so to speak in any relationship. D/s just dissolves the power struggles that arise because the lines are already clearly defined.

Not sure that made as much sense as I wanted it to lol.

Pygar said...

Thank you lil.

I think that was what I was also struggling to get to. I think in retrospect my post came over as being about escort relationships whereas it was just an example that made me reflect that all relationships have a power aspect.

I was wondering whether in the end that D/s relationships were perhaps no different from any other - but just recognised the power aspects within their relationship and even celebrated it. Whereas it may be that in vanilla relationships that power aspect is less recognised.

I think I was also trying to say that D/s just is at the end of the power exchange spectrum that exists in any relationship.

However I think you put very articulately that, "D/s just dissolves the power struggles that arise because the lines are already clearly defined."

So yes it did make sense lil. Thank you.

P xx