Thursday, 15 March 2012


I have received a couple of emails recently from people new to BDSM and D/s. They are looking for advice and it can be very hard to give.

I know I have had relationships, online and in real life with subs searching for an understanding of the feelings they struggle to explore. Within such a relationship it is possible to provide support and guidance within the framework of trust and friendship. However even this has occasionally had associated problems.

How then does one provide advice to a stranger? Someone eager to learn and to explore and understand their own very special feelings.

I would be interested in readers views about that question. However do also read and respond to Alex on Uncle Agony here.


Naga-bot said...

I've found the best way to learn and evolve was get involved in my local BDSM community via There are hundreds of educational events that help explain different types of BDSM, from impact, to play, to service, to different roles and understanding them.

Pygar said...

Thanks Naga-bot. I think you are right that becoming involved with a local BDSM community is a really good start.

I must admit that for me that has been difficult because of personal circumstances. However I feel that meeting real people in a safe environment is a good start.

Of all the online BDSM social sites I have found to be the friendliest. However it is always wise to take care.

Thanks for the positive contribution.

P xx

The Rose said...

I am a solitary woman so I don't enjoy groups but i would suggest they read, research and read some more. There is a wealth of information on the internet by way of blogs and websites that all have D/s and bdsm as their focus.


dancingbarez said...

Reading blogs is truly what helped me the most. Of course it is still hard to accept what I want sometimes but I am learning more about myself everyday.

Pygar said...

Thank you The Rose and dancingbarez.

You are right that there is lots of information that can be researched on the internet. However like you both I think that following blogs by real people can be a great way of learning more not just of what D/s is but also what it feels like to be in such a relationship. It can also be a good place to make online and real friends in a safe way.

- P xx

s81 said...

Finding an experienced Dominant is the best way to learn about yourself and the scene. i met Penelope St. Devi in Vegas years ago and she carefully introduced me to the scene. I've never looked back... i do recommend the curious to watch videos to see what is out there. See and click on clips......

Anonymous said...

I read a lot of blogs - and still do. That really helps/ed me!

I am not into going to munches etc so I found reading was the best way for me :)

So many wonderful blogs and website out there!

Naga-bot - just by writing to Pygar, you are opening yourself up to learning and broadening your knowledge of D/s and BDSM. :)

Pygar you have been an invaluable source of information for me and I value your thoughts and your friendship. Thank you!

Fondly, Sky

Pygar said...

It can be that meeting an experienced dominant is a good way to discover yourself. Whilst I know subs who have had good experiences in this way I do also know a number of subs who were inexperienced who had bad experiences with dominants who took advantage of their inexperience and were even abused. So I would advice new subs to chose a Dom very carefully and ensure they know and trust them.

Pygar said...

Thank you very much Sky for your kind words.

P xxxx