Wednesday, 21 November 2012

more about tears ...

LizLeia just published a kind comment on my previous post about "tears" here.

She discovered the post while researching why men find tears a sign of weakness and found it refreshing that Doms could talk of weeping and showing emotion openly. So she has presented us with the following question:

"A question to Pygar and the other Doms: what does your sub do that allows you to feel so free to express this? Question for the subs: How do you feel when your Dom cries in front of you? Thanks!"

 I will be interested to read the answers too!


nbs said...

I am blessed to have Sir who cries quite often.. more than any other man I've ever met. He cries with no worry about how it might look to anyone. I was surprised and a bit worried when he first cried.. but as I got to know him better, I realized he is just very open and free about his tears.
He has also cried for me.. when he has been very cruel with me and left angry welts.. he has looked at my body in surprise and cried almost as if he were sorry. But he isn't.. I asked once!.
At any rate, I love his tears no matter the cause. He is open and unafraid to share with me. I am truly blessed.

Kitty for Mr. Woods said...

I am always in awe when Daddy cries. So often, I can't tell what's going on in his head when he is being dominant. When he cries, it lets me in a little bit, and I am appreciative of that. I tell him that I have given myself to him, physically and emotionally, and he is safe to give himself to me as well. I remind him that I don't view it as a weakness, in fact, I respect him more because of it.

Pygar said...

Thank you for sharing this nbs.

I think it shows such trust on your Master's part that he feels so free and open with you about his tears.

I worry though that he might cry for you as a result of his own actions. I am puzzled then that he does not feel sorry for what he has done.

I think I would be concerned if I were to cry for my sub as a result of what I had done to her. I cannot imagine that and not being sorry for what I had done.

P xx

Pygar said...

I think you are right Kitty that it is not a weakness to cry. I think though that men are brought up in a way that makes it appear a weakness - when it can perhaps be seen as a strength and a sign of a loving trusting relationship.

I can understand you wanting to get to see what is your Dom's head a little bit. I think that is important that we can open up with each other in such relationships.

Thank you Kitty and good luck.

P xx

LizLeia said...

Thank you nbs and kitty for sharing your experience, and Pygar for reposting this, and responding as well. :)
nbs, what had you worried at first?
Kitty, is Daddy still dominant in your eyes when he cries, or is that when you see his softer side?

I also wonder if the appreciation of men's tears is unique to subs, who have given themselves so fully. Do you think most women would judge a man who cries in front of her? I personally think it's beautiful when my man cries in front of me. However, I know many women who would be turned off by this behavior. What do you think?

Kitty for Mr. Woods said...

I guess its when I see his softer side, but he is always my Dom. Id also say, that when he cries, I feel more of an urge to submit to him. Which might sound somewhat conflicting. On his last visit here, he cried a little and I just crawled over to him and kneeled next to his leg and clung to him. He pulled my head into his thigh and stroked my hair. I could tell this made him calm, almost immediately. His crying gives me an opportunity to care for him, as he so often does for me.

Its interesting to think this appreciation for tears may be because of my sub personality. In past vanilla relationships, the crying was uncomfortable. With Sir, I find it bonding. So many times in TTWD we are pushed to our mental and emotional limits. I believe a D/s relationship is much more emotionally intense than any vanilla relationship. At least, thats been my personal experience. So yes, I think there could be a correlation between being submissive and an appreciation for tears.

nbs said...

I seem to have been less than clear in my response, let me try to find a better way to say things.
When Sir hurts me , he may look at me with marks and cried. Not because he is sorry or distressed that he hurt me.
I ask for and beg for his touches. He cries ( at that moment) for the intense connection that we find through the beating. He does not regret what he has done. I do not regret it either. I long for his touches even though at times he is harsh.
His tears are emotional and for the way we are able to connect after such time together. Is that any more clear to you?
Sir says he is a nurturing sadist..he will hurt but then care deeply and do all he can to reassure me of his love and concern.

And to LizLeia, I was concerned that perhaps Sir's health problems were coming back. He has not been well .. it is a lurking worry but so far.. not a current problem.
I worry as anyone would about a loved one's tears... they could mean anything.

I hope this is clear for both Pygar and LizLeia!

Pygar said...

Thank you nbs. Yes - this has really helped me understand better. I can see that your Sir's tears are because he is so moved by your commitment shown in how much you can suffer for him. You are right that such times are very special and very emotional. You are both lucky to have such a close and committed relationship.

I am interested that your Sir describes himself as a nurturing sadist. I had never thought of myself as a sadist but my submissive woman tells me that I am. She has said though that I am a kind sadist!

Any more tearful sadists out there?!?!

Thanks again nbs - very much.

P xx

Mr. Woods said...

When I first met Kitty, before we were anything more than friends, I specifically remember her saying that she didn't like men who cried. This had me worried, as I've always been a crier. It's sort of a running joke for us now. Every time I cry, I tease her about the time she said she didn't like men who cried, and she always says, "Well I don't mind when YOU do it." The irony being that our relationship is the most intense, physically and emotionally, that either of us have ever had. If tears weren't allowed, I don't know how it would survive.

I have a rather nasty habit of putting myself down when I cry (really, when I express any negative emotions, actually) and one thing she always does is tell me that it's ok to feel however I'm feeling. No matter how stupid I feel for crying, she always tells me that it's ok. She has never, ever, made me feel weak for crying, even when that's exactly how I feel. In a lot of ways, I end up feeling stronger for it. Nothing reinforces my dominance like doing something that makes me feel so un-dominant and knowing I still have her submission. That's how I know she's truly mine.