Thursday, 6 February 2014


I have written some time ago on the topic of "shameless" here and here. However I am surprised to find I have not previously written about shame. I suppose that was because I have deliberately and purposefully tried to eliminate any concept of shame from my relationships. I want a submissive to be completely open to me without shame. I have regarded it as essential to the nature of our D/s relationship. I have always tried to make my subs shameless.

So it was extremely interesting to read the contributions on my previous post by Missus Whore and ara. I was writing about humiliation. Both Missus Whore and ara wrote that for them humiliation and shame were inextricably linked. I am worried that in trying to précis their words I will misrepresent their views as I am still trying to comprehend them fully. So do read their original comments here and here.

What do other readers think? Is shame and the struggle to get beyond shame part of the thrill and excitement of D/s? Is shame or shamelessness an integral part of your relationship?


Unknown said...

both. shame is something I've moved past a lot because I want to be able to lots of fun stuff, for example, sprawl around naked in front of him for his/our delight and titillation.

At the same time, there are going to be certain things where it's pretty impossible to completely eliminate any reaction of shame, as it's such a integral and basic human reaction with us being social animals... And it's then that it can tie up with humiliation and be such a turn on.

Anna May said...

I can't say I have felt shame during any scene I have been in, not even after words. I feel humiliated/degraded in a scene but never the feeling of shame. But ( i love buts) after my first Dom and I parted ways there was a wave of shame that overcame me, almost took me over. I even wrote a poem to express the shame I felt with in the D/s experience. I feel guilt and shame entwine together. My guilt lied in trusting someone to soon to allow him to do things to me that in reality are downright shameful, because I wanted it. But I also wanted the person whom I was allowing to do such things to me to respect me enough to honor who I was outside of the D/s scene. So in short the shame came after I felt the respect for me was lost, and I felt guilty for allowing it.

Pygar said...

Thanks mc kitten. It is interesting that although you have moved past a lot of shame there are still some things where you retain shame. But if the humiliation of that turns you on then it sounds like win-win!

Good luck

P xx

Pygar said...

Yes Anna May, there always seem to be "buts"!

It is interesting though in relation to previous discussions that you can feel humiliated and degraded but that has no connection with shame.

The other shame you go on to talk about seems of a different degree. I think I can understand that you were beyond shame because of the levels of trust that you had built up. However once the trust and respect was lost I can recognise how the shame poured back in as part of the grieving process.

I do hope you have managed to move on from this now in positive ways. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Best wishes

P xx

Pygar said...

Readers may be interested in a continuation of this discussion on new post, revisiting "shame".

- P