Tuesday, 3 June 2014

being open about our needs

There was an interesting response recently to two posts about physical and also psychological and emotional aspects of bdsm - here and here. In comments to the first post there was unanimity in emphasising the importance of the psychological and emotional aspects - that they somehow made the physical possible. In the second post though there was a strong admission of the power of the physical aspect. However, some suggested that they sometimes found "owning up" to their physical needs quite hard.

All this got me thinking about whether there is something in all of us that makes it hard to be open about our deepest needs. Might we in some way feel ashamed or guilty about them? Do we need the excuse of being made to do it or perhaps we are frightened to just open up and admit it.

Are some needs and desires just too dark or deeply hidden in our psyche for us to be open about them?

Do you have needs and desires you have never dared share? If so, why not?

Have you needs and desired you are even frightened to own up to yourself about?

Do tell. We would love to know!

(PS Pleased do also look at and contribute to the very interesting discussion about controlling or being controlled here.)


Anonymous said...

Since you twisted my arm. :)

Needs are so hard to determine. At least for me. I will admit, no one, until now, has ever truly been told my desires/needs. Ever since meeting Master, and as our trust builds, I'm tapping into those darkest desires and sharing with Him. Some of them He acts upon immediately, and some of them He just holds onto.

I realize as we go down this path that more needs/desires become prevalent. It is a little scary. Learning something about myself that I didn't realize was within me is scary. At least, for me. I often have a hard time accepting.

I think it isn't necessarily ashamed that is the factor for the desire to be deeply hidden but judgement. A conversation my Dom and I visit regularly. Him encouraging me to open up, accept, be honest, as He does not judge.

Pygar said...

Thank you His slut. You are a good girl!


I think that we hide some of our needs and desires from ourselves. So yes, it can get a little scary to discover them and find out things about ourselves that we perhaps were not previously fully aware of.

For me though part of having a sub is to encourage her to open up as there will be no judgement. It is important for me to feel that she knows not only that she she can tell me anything but should tell me everything. It is part of my ownership of her.

If that makes any sense!

Thanks again. It is good to have other perspectives.

P xx

Anonymous said...

That makes perfect sense. The ownership aspect. My Master learned a lot about me before we went down this path. Afterwards, the gates into my psyche flew wide open. He definitely wants me to share all but knows I struggle with my own acceptance so He gives me time. Knowing He doesn't judge is extremely comforting.

Anonymous said...

Yes Pygar, I hope you're satisfied with my response :) hehe

physicality is a big part of the dynamic, but only with the assistance of the psychology behind the dynamic. psychology determines our whole sense pf self, pur body, our life. A perfect example is people who can switch off their pain receptors through meditation which is all part of the human psyche.
obviously this is my opinion obviously so Im not in any way trying to provoke an argument by any means - rest assured :)

All Im trying to say is that your mind controls your body which in turn controls how your experience unravels.

I think looks is much like psychology. If you have the right connection, then you can work together on the physical stuff.
As with looks, you cant change the looks department much like you cant change your connection with someone; it is what it is.
and personality is like physicality, it can be worked on and discussed.
hopefully that analogy worked to explain my point.

I hope I satisfied you Pygar, and gave readers some insight on my thoughts! I hope it interests you :)
-Lauren :)

Pygar said...

Thank you Lauren.

I think your interesting comment responds well to my questions about the physical and psychological aspects of bdsm.

However this led on to a discussion about how much we are able to own up to our real needs and desires, whether psychological or physical. Also whether we sometimes even hide our real desires from ourselves.

Do you have dark desires that you dare not own up to Lauren?

P xx

Anonymous said...

Yes I do Pygar,
some which are very taboo to general society. Which makes me less daring to own up to them.
And also lack of trust if a partner was to play out these scenarios, Iwwould be afraid they would go wrong.
True to admit however, I am new to this... My longest Dominant was 2 months. Not long enough For serious to develop uunfortunately :(

sorry I missed out on the key criteria; I feel awful I didnt do exactly what you asked of me. It was unintentional, although that is of no excuse; acknowledged. :(


Anonymous said...

Serious trust **