Thursday, 10 September 2015


I have been thinking about self-image in the context of bdsm and D/s.

It relates perhaps to strength. I have written often before that I believe a submissive needs to be strong rather than weak. Submissiveness in a bdsm context is not the sign of weakness it may appear to be in other contexts.

I wonder how moving into the world of bdsm may affect people's self-image. If my thoughts are correct then it should have a positive effect. To be able to control another person and have them submit to your will surely helps give a feeling of self confidence which then enhances the ability to be controlling. Similarly the ability to submit and accept difficult challenges presented by one's partner should also enhance ones self confidence. The praise that may often accompany this - "good girl", for instance - will also enhance this feeling.

So if being part of the bdsm world can enhance one's self-image then may people delve into bdsm with this in mind? Are there those will low self esteem who seek out bdsm experience with the aim of improving their self-esteem? Would you advise someone with low self-esteem to try out bdsm or might that be dangerous advice?


little monkey said...

In my own personal experience, BDSM and D/s have been extremely positive in regards to my self-esteem. I gained the confidence of accomplishing those difficult physical and mental tasks. The man I would have called Master if he had let me completely, and very intentionally, rescripted some of my deepest and longest held psychological patterns. I felt blessed that he chose me.He was an accomplished, responsible Dom that made choices with my well-being in mind.

With all that said, I would not necessarily suggest BDSM to someone with low self-esteem. There are so many players and posers out there, if someone with esteem issues fell in with someone of that ilk, it could do even more damage. If the person with self-esteem issues was consciously working to correct those beliefs in themselves to begin with, then I might suggest BDSM, D/s. I would also suggest extreme caution in looking for a mentor/partner.

I do think learning to communicate honestly and openly, and allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to do that, was a major accomplishment for me, and has vastly enhanced all aspects of my life. I wouldn't have been able to go there without D/s.

Pygar said...

Thank you little monkey for giving us your very personal take on this. It is great that your D/s relationship was so positive in enhancing your self-esteem - and indeed all aspects of your life.

Like you, I have reservations about recommending it to someone with low self-esteem. Trust is such a major part of this and sadly there are those who could abuse trust, especially with someone having low esteem.

Great to hear from you again.

Take care and good luck

P xx

Lea said...

I wouldn't say that before BDSM I had low self-esteem, but I will say that I have never felt more confident in myself as since I have been with Sir in our D/s relationship, even on our bad days.

I don't think I would advise someone with low-self esteem to seek out BDSM in and of itself. Do they have other BDSM tendencies? If not, that could do more harm then good if they're not into it and give utterly of themselves to please another person. Or if trying to take the reigns of another's life; those inevitable failures (as we're all human) could further drop their confidence. I know that my Sir really beats himself if he feels he has failed, but it doesn't utterly destroy him because of his genuine interest in BDSM and us, I think.

Pygar said...

I am pleased that you feel that your self-confidence has increased since you have been involved in BDSM. it is intresting how that works.

Thanks for your thoughts regarding advice to someone with low self-esteem seeking out a bdsm relationship. Your point is well made.

All the best

P xx