Thursday, 3 December 2015

doubting ...

I wrote a short post on doubts a couple of weeks ago. I expressed the fact that I occasionally had doubts about my role as a dominant and I suppose about the whole dynamic. It isn't an ongoing doubt. Perhaps it had just passed through my mind again which was why I posted about it. Maybe when our lives are taken over by the day to day stuff and whatever passes for "normal" in vanilla land a different perspective can try to take over.

So is that common? Is it a good thing to reflect? Is it more of an issue for subs than Doms? If so should it perhaps be the other way around? These were perhaps some of the questions in my mind. There was a good response with a number of answers.

The overwhelming response from subs who replied was "yes." There was just one Dom who replied and he said "no." That isn't a very large sample from Doms but the different response from all of the subs is interesting. Though to be fair Lea did say that her Sir also had doubts.

The doubts ranged from a simple unadorned "yes" to more detailed responses. For most it seemed to be occasional but for His slut and mc kitten it was "all the time". Misty and lindy thomas put a positive slant on doubting, that it was "just another way of seeing how we can better ourselves..." and "makes us think more about situations."

The thread got me wondering whether they were right and that doubting is a positive part of our personality that enables us to reflect and improve or whether there was an issue that all the subs seemed to doubt, some of them constantly. Does that become an issue if Doms are confident and subs doubting - or is that just what one would expect?


little girl said...

I really hate that somehow I missed that original post. My answer is yes...I have doubts. I think it's quite natural. What I have come to learn and appreciate is that Heron has his doubts as well. So I asked him to summarize some of his thoughts so I could write them here.

As a dom he is always questioning himself and his approach. He has thoughts like...Is he being too harsh...or not harsh enough? Is he finding the true balance between husband and dominant? Is he providing enough discipline and direction but still giving me enough freedom?

I hope that helps a little:)

Meister J said...

I missed the earlier post, but I thought I'd throw in. I think it's perfectly fine to have doubts. I do.
"Am I doing this right?"
"Do I want to take this path?"
"Will this training exercise really achieve the desired behavior?"
For me, it's part of thinking things through. If I can imagine something going wrong, it probably will at some point. Every thinking Dominant should have some doubts; it seems to me that the lack would indicate mere arrogance, and not a consistently mindful management of the relationship.

And yes, I have sometimes have doubts about living this way. It's effing HARD work. (But, oh, the satisfactions...)

Anonymous said...

I did not reflect more, but now I will.

My doubts are driven by the way He pushes me. He constantly challenges me. Before I get "comfortable", He pushes me into a new direction.

It isn't overwhelming but it is challenging. Because of it, I doubt myself all the time. I know He is focused on getting my mindset to stop fretting over societal views. So, He pushes. He reminds me. I cry. I doubt.

But, once I push through, I'm ever so happy.

Pygar said...

Thank you little girl, Meister J and His slut for your thoughtful and pertinent comments.

little girl described very well, I think, how her Master is constantly questioning in positive ways that enhance and improve their relationship. Meister J too describes very positively how doubt can also have a constructive contribution within the relationship. So thank you both for giving such good examples of the positive aspect of doubt within the role of a Dom.

I find it fascinating, His slut, how you describe the challenging way your Master pushes you so that 'doubt' almost becomes a key part of the dynamic. So thank you too very much for this.

P xx