Thursday, 11 February 2016

spanking - what does the spankee get out of it?

Spanking is a part of many D/s relationships. Perhaps especially in domestic discipline relationships. Taken further in bdsm activity it can include quite severe beatings with implements.

So I was wondering ...

... just exactly what does the spankee get out of it? Is there sometimes genuine pleasure and enjoyment? How does that come about? To say they are masochistic just describes that they do get pleasure or satisfaction from it. It does not explain why or how.

Many years ago a sub friend sent me an article that claimed there was a nerve connection to the clitoris from the bottom that was stimulated by spanking. Sadly I can no longer find the article. Are there readers who experience this? Does a spanking arouse you in a physical way or is the arousal psychological?

Some may find the psychological aspect of spanking, the submission, humiliation or degradation arouses them or gives them pleasure and satisfaction in different ways.

For many the fulfillment may be totally about the submission - the giving oneself completely into another's hands to do with as they please.

But I am clutching at straws here. So spankees. Put me right. What do you get out of receiving a spanking? Is there an erotic or sexual aspect to it? Is it purely about submission? Does it meet some other deep need? Is it a need to accept punishment to expunge a misdemeanor. Does it have to be severe enough to get the endorphins working? Do please shed a light on this question for me.


Simina said...

It's both physical and psychological, really. The psychological triggers the physical for me. I have a punishment fetish, so I prefer spanking to be presented in that context, whether real punishment or just theater. I wouldn't attribute humiliation or degradation to spanking for myself. I don't find the activity to be either of those things. I thrive more on the fear and the being overpowered bits.

The sensation itself is pleasurable or not depending on severity or implement. Intent also plays a role. I class myself as a middling masochist, I suppose. I'm no lightweight, but I'm not a pain slut either. You mention that starting one is a masochist doesn't explain why one likes pain, but you can't really define why. It's like hating or loving a type of food. There's no real rhyme or reason, you either like it, or you don't.

It's largely psychological, but there is a physical element too.

Pygar said...

Thanks very much Simina. It is interesting comparing the psychological and physical aspects in what you write. Whilst there is a strong physical element it sounds as if it needs the psychological trigger to make it pleasurable. Your description of the punishment fetish and thriving on fear and being overpowered is also interesting as an example of how that strong psychological element helps build the pressure.

I just looked back and there have been several posts about fear and being scared. Each of them stimulated lots of comments So it is something that clearly raises interest in readers of this blog.

Thanks again for your contribution

P xx

mindfulness said...

Sir has asked me this question before, as I'm not a pain slut, and I've struggled with an answer.

He tries to spank me nightly before bed when life allows. He told me last night that if life gets in the way and I've not been spanked for a few days he's noticed I get "antsy". I didn't realize this. I know the last couple nights I've not been sleeping well. He spanked me last night and I slept like a baby.

Noticing this and reading your post have me thinking about what spanking does for me.

It gives me a sense of security, it's reassuring that he cares for me enough to spank me.

When I first started exploring spanking I found it erotic but now that I've experienced it for awhile, it's much more.
It's pleasurable and painful.
It's thrilling not knowing what will happen, will it be hard or gentle? What implement will he use? (when it's punishment I know what to expect)
It's connecting.
It's embarrassing and makes me feel vulnerable.
When it's all said and done, it's calming.

I feel like I haven't even began to touch on what it does for me but I've done my best to explain. Respectfully ~R

Pygar said...

Thank you R so very much for your very open and illuminating contribution. It is fascinating to read you trying honestly to describe a very personal experience. Yet you, "feel like I haven't even began to touch on what it does for me." Thank you again for trying so hard to explain to us.

I wonder if it strikes a chord for other spankees?

P xx

Anonymous said...

Mindful above is my female.

I've often wondered what need a spanking fulfills for her.

I myself can tell you (after 12 years of therapy) exactly what events and conditions in my childhood and later life led me to be what I am and need to the things that I need. I'm pretty certain that everyone in this lifestyle has some childhood trauma that motivates them, even if they don't remember it.

I know what need each act I crave satisfies and why.

My female tells above what the spanking makes her feel, not why it makes her feel that way.

Now I must admit that WHY is really not important as long as I know what she desires in the way of treatment.

Knowing the why in the way I know it about myself...well...I wonder if women even think this way.

But in the long run, the why is only an intellectual curiosity. What she needs and knowing that she gets exactly that from me is the only think that's really important.
But I wonder, can any woman out there tell of past events that caused the BDSM "set"?

I'd be interested to read your post.

The BDSM relationship is one of the most difficult to build and maintain. If you disagree with that statement then you are not doing it right or you are not doing it at all.

I'm most lucky that I found my female. I doubt that most BDSM relationships are as successful as ours is, yet it is difficult. I think the key is that both parties really want it and cannot conceive of life without it.

Pygar said...

Thank you Anonymous. How interesting to hear your perspective as the partner of Mindful.

The "why" that you are seeking an answer to will I think be hard for many to answer. Yes, there may be deep psychological reasons for the reasons why many enjoy being spanked.

There has been research though into the possible relationship between early trauma and involvement in BDSM. My recollection is that the researchers concluded that those in BDSM relationships were no more likely to have suffered childhood trauma than others. However, I am afraid I do not have the links to this research to hand.

I am pleased that you and Mindful are lucky in having found each other and having such a successful and mutually beneficial relationship.

- P

Pygar said...

I've just had a quick Google and found this article.

Here is a quote," SM is not correlated with physical abuse, sexual abuse, childhood trauma, symptoms of PTSS, personality disorder, sexual disorder, mood disorder, anxiety disorder, or, well, anything really. We’re as healthy (or ill) as the rest of the population."

Though no doubt it will be posible to find the opposite and I know it is often quoted that bdsm activity can be playing out of childhood trauma. This I believe is now seriously disputed. There is a larger collection of articles here.

Anonymous said...

I've viewed the data on this subject but, as a Psychologist, I have to question the reporting sources. Also, there aren't many well designed studies in this area. How would one even go about that? Most of the existing data is from self reports and thus, subject to inaccuracies.

I've never had a client who craves this lifestyle who was "normal" (whatever that is. LOL), but then I wouldn't, as I do not come in contact with "normal" people.

My approach is to help the client toward an acceptance of who they are and to realize that there is nothing wrong with being something other than "vanilla". I also stress that there is a certain advantage to a BDSM lifestyle that offsets the difficulty of finding a suitable partner. That advantage is communication. I'm sure everyone agrees that very good communication is REQUIRED for a BDSM relationship to work properly. That level of communication almost always increases the partners capacity for intimacy.

I noted one of the articles you sited spoke of BDSM as therapy. I agree with that characterization. Whether Cathartic or Behavior Modifying in nature, it seems to work.

In the end, though...see a thousand BDSM relationships...See a thousand configurations.

Dealing with this human phenomenon is more Art than Science.

Pygar said...

Thank you for your very interesting and informed comments Anonymous. I would have hesitated to engage in that discussion if I had known you were a psychologist! It is good though to know there are psychologists working in the community who have both a good knowledge and also experience and empathy in this area.

It may be that a lot of psychology is "more Art than Science" but perhaps that is a whole new discussion!



Anonymous said...

Just because I'm a Psychologist doesn't mean I'm right. LOL. At 62 years of age, I'd have to say that it appears nobody really KNOWS anything with certainty.

Lea said...

For me, I enjoy the physical sensations. Sometimes, but not always I feel that lightning connection with each smack to my clit. I'm not sure if it's a force applied to location issue or a mental thing (or a bit a both). I enjoy impact play.

Usually, it is not about punishment for us. I can think of only two instances where Sir used spanking for punishment/catharsis in over 5 years.

Above all for me though, I enjoy the control. To be spanked is to submit to the spanker, either willingly or through force/bondage. That's what really gets it for me.

Pygar said...

Thanks very much Lea. It is great to get such a personal perspective on spanking.

P xx

Pygar said...

In the thread of comments above there was a discussion of the relationship between childhood trauma and BDSM. I have written a separate post to discuss this further here. It has already generated an interesting discussion in the comments section.


Bricklayercake said...

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the rush of endorphins that a good spanking brings about. I've been told this many times.

Pygar said...

Yes, of course Bricklayercake. I'm surprised too that I didn't even mention it in the original post! Than,s for commenting.