Thursday, 13 October 2016

on receiving pleasure...

In the last post here I pondered on whether it was the role of a sub to seek out ways of pleasing their Dom or rather focus on making themselves available for the Dom to take their pleasure. A sub friend wrote to say she had found the answers in her head bouncing from one side to the other. She ended with wondering how I would have answered - from the Dom's perspective.

So here is my own view on this. However this is clearly only what I would like. Each Dom will have their own preferences - which may even be different with different submissives depending on their nature and their special skills! I may also not be at all typical.

I do like a sub to be active in seeking to please me. I hesitate to use the word "just" after Jz's great comment to the previous post. However just being available, without any active intent, I find too passive. I like strong women. Strong women don't wait to be told what to do. They seek out ways of pleasing. Their strength may occasionally need subduing. I don't seek that, as perhaps some Dom's do, but I recognise it as part of the package. And perhaps that subduing can also be made into fun for both.

Yes, as Jz implied, a sub's efforts to please a Dom may be influenced by what gives them pleasure. However I have no problem with that. I have no fear of "topping from the bottom". If that becomes an issue it soon becomes apparent and can be addressed. I want my submissive to gain pleasure. If she can gain pleasure in pleasing me then the more she will want to continue giving me pleasure. Surely that is a win-win scenario. I think any caring Dom wants their sub to be happy and fulfilled and yes, that will surely include ensuring that she gains pleasure too - though in some contexts that may be through pain!

I found Dani's comment very special when she wrote "If I have a choice, I'd rather give pleasure than receive it any day but whatever my Dom wants I'm open to explore."

I am sure any Dom would welcome that attitude and approach in their submissive. What more could one want? Though I do like my subs to be open to receiving pleasure and not feel guilty about it. If I want to give them pleasure then I will give them pleasure. I gain pleasure from that too - especially in determining the amount and intensity of that pleasure.

I think too that Dani's final sentence should apply equally to dominants and submissives,

"If you care about someone and are intimate with them their happiness and pleasure should be a focus I'd think."


DM said...

Aww, you flatter me my friend <3 I do have some interesting follow up and a question on this very subject! I will write you soon for some of your wise advice if you don't mind?

Pygar said...

If course I don't mind Dani - though I cannot guarantee wisdom in my advice!

P xxxx

Future1investor said...

I am a Sensualist Top. My experience in D/s is minimal because to-date as a Top, I very much enjoy pleasing those who seek out my particular attentions. I Top with toys and my personal enjoyment is in the giving of: all manner of sensual pleasure & orgasms. I do some bondage play if it is desired as well as spanking & flogging & Estim.

Primarily however my intention in all my play scenes is pure pleasure and orgasms. If a bottom desires I can do some lite to medium pain/pleasure cocktails.

So my Dominance is in not being controlled by my play partner and I am the conductor of the band where the band is comprised of my many female toys that I apply to the bottom for her pleasure.