Tuesday, 26 March 2019

in public and in private...

I wrote this ages ago when a brief email from a friend made me think of this. Though looking back at it now I'm not sure I have articulated my thoughts very well and may be confusing two things. So I hope you can make some sense of it!


Most people have perhaps different public and private personas. To the outside world we present an image to fit with what is required by our career or social position or just how we would like to be perceived by our friends. But in private, we can be ourselves, let our hair down and PARTY!

I feel some readers of this blog have very respectable images to society around them, very different from what goes on in their home or even just in the bedroom.

This isn't just about societies demands and our response to that. We all feel more comfortable letting ourselves go with people close to us - but in public, perhaps not. This is illustrated in the comments to a previous post about nakedness here where Jz and Wilma are very clear they have no exhibitionist streak. In fact the opposite. However in private that may be a very different matter.

How is it that we may be prepared to be totally vulnerable and exhibitionist in private - but in any public or semi public arena it becomes a complete no-no?

There are some who are secure and proud enough to wear their kink affiliations proudly and publicly. I think this is even more the case with the younger generation for many of whom sexual boundaries those older amongst us are struggling to overcome and challenge, they have long ago tossed aside.

The one aspect that hasn't though is perhaps still that of body image. It is why some still find being naked in public as so difficult. Young people perhaps have even more problems with body image, for a number or well rehearsed reasons, than those of us slightly older who have had time to recognise and accept those bits of us that start to sag...

So how different are you in public and in private? What would it take to give you the confidence to express yourself honestly in this regard in public?


EsMay said...

Oh my. I won't ever feel comfortable being naked in public. One is because of a disease I have fought my whole life, it makes me heavy, quite heavy. I can exercise and eat right until the cows come home, I'm always going to be about twice the weight I should be. Doctors disinterest and lack of want to help me, or point me in the right direction make it even harder, telling me to just accept that this is how it is. I have found ways to stop gaining the weight, thank goodness, but reversing it, I have failed over and over again. Thankfully my husband finds me beautiful, he finds me sexy, and how his body responds whenever he sees mine, has been the most wonderful confidence boost. But, I'm not what the world would consider beautiful. I even have a very hard time going out in a bathing suit. The world is not always kind to those of us who are different, and sometimes can be down right cruel. Even as adults. I am finally accepting me as me, but sometimes all it takes is a comment about what a glutton I must be, how lazy I must be even though most days I am so active I get 10k steps before I even think about exercising. Until the world is a kinder place, until people can be loved more for the inside than the outside, I just can't imagine it being safe to be so open.

Now, when it comes to hiding our kink, I do that for my husband and child. Not for me. For me, I want to shout it from the roof tops. I want the world to know. I want the world to embrace that there can be more for their struggling marriages, and maybe, just maybe, the thing I do, could be the thing that saves them like it saved us. But, I never want to put the Duke into a position where he could lose his job, or possibly be in serious trouble because he spanks me. I don't even want to think about what kids might say to my child if it got out that her parents practiced DD, D/s and BDSM. So, that too, needs the world to be in a kinder place than it is right now.

On my blog though, that's my safe place. I really expose my heart, again and again on it. I share things that I never think to share at other times. Probably because I really get myself to process and dig deep on my blog, wanting to share the heart of the matter so that it can help others as much as what I'm going through helps me. So, in a way that is public, and in a way it's not because I share no personal details like names, where I live, etc. But there, I can let my freak show, and I don't have to worry about whose watching. They don't have to read if they don't like what I share. :)

Hmmm, have I addressed this post? Sometimes I get off on rabbit trails, they're so tempting, you know? :)


Pygar said...

Thank you EsMay. Yes, I think you have addressed it very well.

Following rabbit trails can lead to interesting places and one should always give in to temptation!


It is great that you can find blogging a safe place to express yourself. The internet can be a wild and dangerous place to be open. However I have found blogging within the BDSM community a very supportive, friendly and kind place to be. I have rarely had to remove inappropriate or unkind comments. So continue to "let your freak show" online - and have fun.


P xx

DM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.