Thursday, 17 July 2008

being marked

Many subs like to be marked. It is a sign of ownership. It can give them pride in their submission.

This can be symbolic - an item of jewellery, a collar, even a felt tipped pen on the skin.

Some though crave the mark of an implement. A cane, a crop, a whip. A weal or bruise on the skin marking them as his.

I had marked her several times with the crop. Red lines on the skin. A darker mark at the end of one line where blood had come to the surface soon to turn to a bruise.

It sounds bad described coldly like this - but it was part of a sensuous act that we both enjoyed. She had asked me to hit her harder. She wanted to be marked. It was part of her desire.

We discussed it afterwards - what she enjoyed about such activity. She decided it was the being marked rather than the pain of marking. The fact that she had been marked gave each of us pleasure over the next few days as she reported the state of the marks in messages to me. It reminded us both of the pleasure we had together - and my temporary ownership of her.

But ...

part of me looks at the similarities between a sub wanting to be marked and vulnerable people who self-harm. It strikes me particularly with subs who are into knife play and needles. I am not passing any judgement here - I am genuinely interested in exploring if there are common factors. If there are such common factors does D/s provide a framework that can make meeting this need safer and more supportive or can D/s feed a negative self image?


Anonymous said...

Ohh I miss being marked by the cane. It was my favorite tool.

I wanted to say hi. I am slave jane. Or I was. Anyways I really enjoy reading your blog. I look forward to more.


Pygar said...

Hi jane. I'm pleased you enjoy the blog.

What is it though that you liked about being marked by the cane?

Can you explain why you miss being marked?


Anonymous said...

As a teenager I was a self-injurying cutter. It went on for a couple of years until my mom found out and forced me to see a shrink. I did stop cutting and told everyone I was "better", but that wasnt true. The desire for the pain and the blood never left me. Now I'm an adult, Daddy and I are heavy into bloodsports - I love the feeling of a hypodermic needle going through my skin. So far I'm up to 42 in one setting. I love to be cut with a razor blade and watch the skin slice open, the blood start to pool and then run down my skin. I say it's a fetish. I have a fetish for blood. I'm glad that now I don't have to feel shame for how I feel and what I do. I have sooo many scars and I'm proud of every one of them. I love that I can look at my chest and will forever see the marks he has left on me. It's not for everyone and I know you aren't judging anyone, I just wanted to throw my two cents in as a former self cutter and now a blood freak. lol


Pygar said...

Dear Rose

Thank you very much for your perspective on this.

Good luck


Anonymous said...

I love the marks left on me, and I also love the blows that created those marks. I have no self image problems, I'm very much at peace with who I am. Sure I have down days, but basically I know I'm a damned fine individual, doing my best to do right. I'll never understand my masochism....I've given up trying really. But it feels good, so I'll do it, or rather, he'll do it!
Tp xx

Pygar said...

Thanks Tp for that really positive view.

I'm glad it "feels good".


Suze said...

I have never been into self-harm, or have I been a cutter...not a judgment, only something I am not drawn to. My Dom thinks it's hilarious that I am terrible at performing any self-torture he might request, and has stopped asking. But we both found marking to be simply and sweetly symbolic of our relationship and what we have experienced together. Slightly different from jewelry and collars, but certainly in the same category.

It's never been a negative, never indicative of a bad self-image or low self-esteem on my part. Every mark, though most have been temporary, has been beautiful and a work of "art" by someone I care deeply for.

I suspect there are a variety of factors/reasons that motivate different people---the bdsm world is as diverse, if not more so, as the vanilla world.

Pygar said...

Thanks midnight - I love your approach to every mark from your Dom being a beautiful work of art.

And yes there is great diversity - I think we should revel in that diversity rather than trying to insist there is one "right" way for D/s or bdsm.


elle said...

in my experience, marks left on my person provide something substantial to hold on to. days/weeks after a particular scene has ended it allows me to more closely feel that connection i had with my dom.

being masochistic in nature, i like both the administration of pain and being marked. part of it is also my competitive nature. i want to be able to see how much i can take before i'll break down.

frequently my dominant recognizes my breaking point far quicker than i would and acts accordingly. i know there are times when i have wanted to continue pushing past the brink. in hindsight, i can see that i can tend to be a bit overzealous and am extremely grateful that he watches out for me.

i liken my overzealousness to playing sports and over-doing it. i am all about the rah-rah go team subby! but later when the endorphins crash, feeling so sore that i'm barely functional...not so much. lol

there is a big difference between "hurt" and "harm". hurt is discomfort.. either mild or heavy. harm is everlasting.

just my opinion.

hugs, elle

Pygar said...

Your opinion is always valued Elle. Thanks for sharing it with us.

I think your remarks about the difference between hurt and harm are particularly important for us all to remember - both physical and emotional.

Constance said...

I have often been very alarmed by the number of women in D/s relationships (based on what I read in blogs) who hurt themselves in some way. A frequent form of self-abuse I have encountered is eating disorders. I don't have an answer ot that one. It frankly puzzles me.

On the other hand, I went through a period myself when my ex-husband had me so thoroughly convinced that I was ugly and worthless that I would go into the bathroom, scissors in hand, tempted to hack off my hair.

Now I am happily in a devoted Domestic Discipline relationship, with occasional forays into BDSM. I like it when my lover leaves bruises on my bottom after a spanking because it seems so territorial. A marking, as you say, a sign of belonging to some one. This may sound odd, but it almost makes me feel protected, like Jesus' kiss on my forehead (or the Good Witch of the West, if you prefer).

Pygar said...

Thank you for your perspective Constance. I have found a constant theme from sub friends is a need to feel protected and cared for. Marking often seems to be part of this.

But can there be a contradiction there?