Wednesday, 30 July 2008

natural order?

I am having an email exchange with a sub who describes her relationship with her Dom boyfriend - dominant male, submissive female - as part of the "Natural Order". I argued that this was perhaps just one kind of order - all of which might be regarded as natural. Whilst agreeing on one level she suggested that these others were more sociological and psychological.

I still feel that the order she (and I in this context) subscribe to is another "social" or "psychological" order - and that to call it "natural" somehow implies that it has more validity than others. Such an implication would I imagine be hotly contested by others - for instance a Domme female/male submissive couple.

Do readers have any views on this?


Anonymous said...

I think whatever is natural or normal for you is the "natural order" of things. Like her, I prefer the male Dom, female submissive role, but that doesn't make female Doms and male subs any less "natural". Same thing with homosexuals even though it wasn't mentioned, it's their "natural order". Just thought I'd toss in my 2 cents, lol


Pygar said...

Thank you Rose. I agree. I know that gay and lesbian couples can feel very aggrieved for their relationships to be thought of as being "unnatural". That was part of my point.

But to be fair to my correspondent - I think that she was describing that the "natural order" for her was as it feels too for you and she might well agree with what you have written.

Thanks again.


Kim Fernino said...

I am the "Natural Order" sub. Words get in the way :) I explained to Pygar that my comfort zone is more of an Animal Planet simulation of nature. After all, most species have a dominant male, submissive female modality. That is what resonates with me and of course I follow my own instincts. That is for me and of course I respect everyone's need for their own Natural Order. My dear friend is a male sub (sissy maid), other friends are gay or lesbian and in vanilla relationships. I have two Domme friends - one gay, one straight. I know people that are asexual. And they all follow the correct natural order for them.

Pygar said...

Thanks Kimmy for adding your contribution. You describe your position much more articulately than I was able to!

In the end it is what feels right for each of us - and when that feels "natural" we know we are doing what is right for us.

Good luck.


Anonymous said...

I am shocked to find that I am a "natural sub." Of course, my gender is irrelevant. My whole life I have been very independent and quite actively feminist. I like being a strong woman. Still, something amazing happens when my man (Max) dominates me. I have never felt so loved, so cherished, so protected, so safe. It takes a very strong man to dominate me and I am quite impressed with him. He is a very kind, gentle man. Any outsider who was told we were in a dom/sub relationship would assume he was the sub and I the dom. Yet, he is a "natural dom." He holds a quiet confidence and calm demeanor that he brings to put me in my place. He knows who he is in the world and where he stands and is perfectly comfortable putting me over his knee. It is wonderful.