Wednesday, 14 January 2009


Tears ...

I had a session with a sub I have met a couple of times just a month or so ago. Near the beginning she started to cry. She is into humiliation and degradation which isn't my thing - but I aim to please! So as she was pleasuring me I started describing something she had done recently with another Dom that she had written about and saying what a cheap slut she was.

I suddenly realised that he was crying. I had hit a nerve - psychologically rather than physically. I stopped the scene. I took her into my arms and held her and just hugged her as she sobbed until she was done. Then we lay down together and cuddled and chatted and discussed the issues until she was ready to start again.

She is an experienced sub. She has taken some fairly hard strokes of the cane and crop from me without flinching ... but a few words ... ?

Tears can come very unexpectedly.

I have a very close online friend who was my pupil. She can be brought to tears easily by the thought of injustices in the world or just by melodramas. But she cannot cry for herself. She feels she needs to cry for herself to get out all the hurt and pain that has built up from the abuse she has suffered from so many for so long. But she cannot do it. She cannot cry for herself. She has written of wanting to be beaten to make her cry. To make her cry for herself. I don't think I am that strong. I wrote her a story of it to explain. I know I could hold her close in my arms to kiss away the tears ... but I am unsure I could beat her so hard. I am not sure any Dom could. She is very strong and very determined.

There is no weakness in tears. I can be brought to tears myself so easily - too easily perhaps since the consequences of some personal circumstances in my life. Too many men feel that tears are not for them - so women can get catharsis from their pain through tears - whereas for men the catharsis is too often through anger or uncontrolled violence. Of the two I feel that tears are the more preferable. So there can be something positive in tears.

But to set out to create tears ... there has to be a context I suppose.

Are there readers who cry in bdsm scenes? Are there those who try to create tears? Is crying positive or negative for you?

What does it take to make you cry? Do you get catharsis from tears? Do you want someone to kiss them away? Do you want someone to create those tears?


carolynn said...

yes, there are times i need to cry, and i need Him to make me cry and then for Him to hold me while i cry. i know He does not like to make me cry, but He knows i need it. i don't ask very often, so when i do, He knows it's time. Usually it is with a combination of words and strokes that he achieves His goal.

lunaKM said...

Yes I can cry in scenes. I generally know when I need to cry or may cry and I warn my Master so that he knows it was expected and to continue unless I ask to stop. It's just another way I let out emotions. I guess the opposite is laughing and I do that too; a lot more than crying.

I don't mind that he can ignore the crying in scene, in fact it changes the feeling of the scene if he notes them and tries to wipe them away. I want him to be cruel sometimes and turning soft all of a sudden can cause me to crash.

It's a part of the dance I suppose.

Anonymous said...

“Are you coming to the moment
When you know your heart can break
I'm inside you
I'm around you
Just wanna hear you cry again
I don't know why why but I love to see you cry”

Enrique Iglesias from the song Love to see you cry.

We play with tears. I love to see my girl cry, it is a moment of great vulnerability, the moment I know she has let go and no longer cares about appearances and it is at that moment that I always feel the most protective of her and the strongest need to take care of her.


K said...

I can cry over anything. The best description of it I ever heard was from Rosie O'Donnell. Our emotions are kind of like a window, with several layers to filter out the junk in the outside world. There's a screen, a glass, sheers, drapes, sometimes blinds. When you have a condition like anxiety or depression, you can't always close those filters and are easily affected. My teen son once asked me why I was crying. I told him I'm a woman, I can cry at the drop of a hat. So... he threw his hat on the floor and looked at me expectantly until I couldn't help laughing.

I only dabble in the milder side of kink, but my goal is always fun and arousal, never to cry. Crying is just not something I need help with. I would guess that a person with all of their filters in tact, perhaps even so skilled at keeping those filters closed that they have difficulty opening them, would find a scene with tears more appealing.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I want to cry and it won't come. Other times I don't want to cry and cry anyway. It has a lot more to do with emotions than pain for me. I can take a lot of heat without tears.

Radha said...

This post strikes me enough to finally leave a comment on your very interesting blog. I've been thinking about crying and how I would enjoy the intensity and release. But those tears that seem so close to spilling in my everyday activities, seems to completely disappear during our kinky time together. I'm not sure what's going inside of me, why it is that suddenly I feel stronger when he's spanking me. Not sure, but interesting for me to think about.

With much admiration for your wings,

Anonymous said...

Tears can take you by surprise sometimes. I met with G once, and I was in a good mood, but had a tremendous amount of stress in my life at that time. At an early point in our session, he got out the crop, which I dislike, but it usually does not make my cry. This time for whatever reason, tears welled almost immediately. I don't think it was from the pain so much as it was complete overload. Does that make sense? At any rate, it was the first time that I cried with Him. It was such a cleansing thing, I cannot describe it. He and I turned a corner or sorts that day, and the bond between us tightened even further.


Pygar said...

Thank you all so much for giving of your personal stories.

You have almost made me cry!

I will try to write a proper response soon!


selkie said...

Pygar, your post had me coming back here again and again to comment...but found in the end I had too much to say (what's new, verbosity, thy name is selkie) .. so I wrote my OWN post on it ... soon to be posted.

You bring up some great questions and i find the comments illuminating.

Pygar said...

Thank you Selkie.

I know readers will be interested to read your very moving post here.

Anonymous said...

I've cried many times during scenes with my Master, sometimes I knew ahead of time they would happen but mostly they would be a surprise to me. He wasn't turned on by my tears but he liked it when I cried because it meant I had reached a level of intensity. Sometimes the scene would go on until all my being was spent and sometimes it would stop and I would be allowed to cry and he would talk to me and cheer me up.

Generally I would feel better for the crying after but sometimes I wished I hadn't because it always opened up another set of emotions for me to deal with later on.


Pygar said...

This is such a personal and private topic. I would like to say a big "thank you" to all who have shared their thoughts and experiences on this theme.


morningstar said...

it is interesting that tears are the topic de jour so to speak...

For me personally - a scene can be my "dam buster" exactly what i need to let go of the build up... if it is going to happen it is usually on a Friday evening - after a particularly difficult week ......

The first time i cried in a scene with Sir.. He stopped... i stopped.. but before He could move to me.. i said "keep going please keep going!!" And He did.. and i cried it all out...

i won't say my tears please Sir or make Him very comfortable..BUT.. He does understand some weeks the pain inside just has to come out...

Having said that .. i would never ever use tears to control Sir or a scene...

morningstar (owned by Warren)

Pygar said...

Thank you too morningstar for sharing your perspective on this topic.