Friday, 30 April 2010

a comment from a Dom

I received this comment from an anonymous Dom recently to my earlier post about "training and conditioning". I am posting it here as I think it deserves a wider audience.

I just found your blog, it is very intresting and well writen, I will spend more time here in the future!

I would like to throw in my 2 cents, I am a Dom in a relationship with a long time sub.

I used to have two subs, and I learned a valuable lesson with regards to "educating" (as I prefure that word) When you take power away from a sub completely it doe snothing but make the relationship boring and predictable, when you train a sub to only take pleasure on command or with you alone you strip them of something that makes them exciting, especailly if your relationship involves other people, why would I want to watch my sub take no pleasure at all with another person, what type of power would I get from that, not healthy power.. that's for sure.

I used to treat subs as "objects" etc, and found that failed. Not only did it fail for my sub in her confidence and charisma, it failed for me becuase she failed to be charismatic and became an automation. She has since left and is now happy and I am happy for that.

It helped me learn that lesson, my second sub who stayed with me, I still require her to bow in submission to me and state a daily mantra that stats she is an object in the mantra, BUT, I make sure to never treat her as such, I see it as a "symbolic" submission of her own self to my power with out actually mentally doing it, as I treat her as a person who serves me, not an object that I use as a tool.

Education of my subs for me involves having her self dress as I like, have her hair as i like, etc, things that do not permently alter her for life (A sub may choose to take on my mark as a tattoo upon her but that is somthing that must be earned so it is not taken lightly)

The only sexual education I enforce on my subs is I train them to orgasm as quickly as possible until they become cluster orgasms, as I greatly enjoy watching them almost pass out from immense pleasure. I train them riguriously to orgasm as quickly as possible as many times as possible, but I have never had a complain about that particular training 8*laughs*

As always being Dom or sub is an evolution, I have come along way, and I enjoy reading other sub's opinions to further my evolution, as the sub is the one giving me the honour of service, it is my job to deserve that honour.


Anonymous said...

I am glad that you shared this. It is a great lesson to learn. I think many new Doms and new subs or both new Doms and subs fall into this trap.

For me, as a sub, I was worried I would not be able to be me. But as I trained, communicated with my Dom I learned that the core things that make me...well me are what he liked and didn't want to have go away. At first, I did submerge a lot of my personality--the effervescence, wit, even sexiness because I was trying so hard to fit what I thought he wanted. I was turning into the automaton. Trying really hard to be perfect and please. I was satisfied with "us", the relationship, but wasn't getting fully what I needed. And my Dom was wondering what happened to that spark, the temptress.
We're working it out.

Anonymous said...

Dear Pygar,
I am very glad to see you again, even as little as you actually wrote here. I miss you.

Anonymous said...

It was good to see you post again. I understand that sometimes we must take a break and regroup.

Thanks for sharing! I always appreciate a Dominate's view and opinion.


Anonymous said...

KD--I never had a chance to thank you for the wise advice you gave me when I first started on this journey. It has been about ten months now, and my lizard and I have made good progress toward slowly moving into the type of relationship I ideally would like us to have. Thanks for providing me the initial inspiration and setting me off on a great trip!

Pygar said...

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words.

- P

Dev said...

Nice blog, very well-written.