Monday, 9 August 2010


"What do you want to do today?"

It is a reasonable question is it not?

"Whatever you wish to do Sir," I suppose is a reasonable answer for some. It is showing dereference to the Master for him to decide. Many subs also do not want to decide. That is why they have taken the submissive role - so that they do not have to make decisions. It releases them from the stress of the decision making process. They value the strength of their Master in being the one to take decisions for them.

"What do you want to do today?"

I think it is a reasonable question and demands a proper answer. It may be that in all truth the sub has no particular view on it and can say so.

It may genuinely be that she desires the pleasure of her Master and wants to do whatever will give him pleasure. But he did ask what she wanted to do. It may be that it will give him pleasure to know they are doing something that his sub will enjoy and not doing something that is boring her or is distasteful to her. He may need the information to enable him to make the final decision about what they do today.

"What do you want to do today?"

So I think the question deserves a truthful answer after which the Master can decide what they will do.

But it has got me wondering in general about decision making and whether it is always in a sub's best interests to be let off the hook as it were in decision making. One of the delights for a Dom in such a relationship is often the level of control - that he makes the decisions. Subs do delight in the reverse, in being controlled and having decisions made for them. But are there not times in the real world - and in the D/s part of it too - where it is right for a Dom to expect his sub to make decisions?


B'Man said...

"What do you want to do today?"

The question is the bane of relationship existence as the answer will be, on occasion, "Whatever".

I've considered, even in blog, how to deal with the question as posed to me. But have not considered the challenge of "Whatever" as a response to the question posed by me. I suppose I was either selfish and just ran with it and we did "Whatever" I wanted to do.

To this point I have not required an answer. And luckily, I usually take care to try and not something that I know she wouldn't like or be bored with.

And I'm sure I've missed sometimes.

Jz said...

I go by the theory that if you ask me a question, you actually want (and are fully prepared) to hear an answer.

Then again, in my little world, I doubt I would see it as him "letting me off the hook" if he never bothered to ask for my input.
I'd probably use another term for it entirely, in fact...

(sorry. which way is the "bad sub's corner" again?)

Carlie said...

I am a responsible party in our relationship. I defer my decision making to him out of choice, for mutual enjoyment. There are things I want some days and not on others. If asked I will respond. I answer fully and honestly but without the expectation of what I want being what occurs.

Anonymous said...

Hi Pygar,
I'm glad you are posting again. This is a good question. In truth, I don't like making decisions and I am cool with whatever he wants to do, or more to the point, whatever he wants me to do.

One time I insisted on what I wanted and it was a disaster. Really, it just works better for him to decide.

Sunshine said...

I think that it's reasonable for a Dom to expect an answer to this question. A D/s relationship is based on give and take and despite the obvious roles, there is give and take on both sides.

I would propose that it is only through a sub giving her opinion on things (when asked,) that the Dom can know that he is acting in her best interests the rest of the time. If you never have that confirmation of knowing her likes and dislikes, it makes it rather hard to know that you're choosing the path best for the both of you.

Or that's my theory anyways.


Pygar said...

Thank you all.

It is fascinating to hear all your perspectives on how it is for you.

But don't worry Jz. I will not be sending you to the bad subs corner. But if I could find out where it is I might have some fun with them!

You are right though that if a Dom asks a question he needs to be prepared to hear the answer.


Though I think Emilie's response is also very close to my way of thinking.

Thanks too BabyMan and Just a Taste - and nice to see you here again Maryann.


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Unknown said...

I too think a question should be answered, isn't that in fact what He is expecting you to do by posing the question? If one were to answer "whatever pleases Sir" every time, would there be any point in asking? Sure, sometimes you really might not have a suggestion to respond with, but I think one should still respond, it is the respectful thing to do in my eyes, so it is not un.sub like at all in my eyes, seeing since He actually asked for it in the first place. Nor do I think a suggestion without the question would be out of hand -though i don't think one should insist on it Maryann ;)it is after all He who decides whether to grant you that wish or not.

I once thought I deserved a punishment, Master actually didn't, but He knew I needed it to be able to let it go so He asked me "what do you think your punishment should be?" And that time I did reply "whatever pleases You Sir" (because i thought that was what i was supposed to say), His reply to this was "it does please me, but it is your punishment, so what would you think is appropriate?" now, i don't actually remember my reply to that, but it does show that not giving a proper reply to a question actually is to deflect the responsibility of the input He in fact is seeking from you. Because what would be the point in asking a question for input if He himself has to reply to it?