Thursday, 7 October 2010

new to submission

t wrote here to Uncle Agony. She is becoming aware for the first time of her submissive nature and desires ... trying to come to terms with them alongside her day to day personality and wondering where next.

I wonder how many readers can think back to when they were trying to come to terms with realisations of their submissive needs and desires and how to meet them? How difficult was it? Was it a shock? Were you frightened or confused? How did you come to terms with accepting the new you? How did those closest to you?


Anonymous said...

It was hard to acknowledge my submissive side to myself. Even harder was finding a way explain this to my partner when I couldn't yet explain it to myself. I just knew it was there, screaming for attention and was not going to remain ignored any longer.

Reading blogs and comments by folks who identify as submissive who are slaves or living D/s 24/7 is a little intimidating too if you can't see yourself in that sort of arrangement. It raises questions: how submissive am I? Am I less of a submissive because I don't live it 24/7?

I also think it is hard for those close to us to find out that we have a side that has remained hidden or camouflaged for many years. It can make them uncertain about their relationship to us and where they fit in because it leaves them wondering what else they don't know about us. I know this was an issue when I first came out to my partner.

One of the best things I read early on was there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all Dominant or submissive. That certainly helped. Even more helpful was the support of other like minded folk who are already forging their own paths.

There is nothing like seeing the variety within your local kink community to make you realize there is always room for another individual.

Pygar said...

Thank you SubRosaNoMore for your very powerful and personal description of discovering your submissive self.

Perhaps nobody else has added to it because there is nothing left to add.

"I just knew it was there, screaming for attention and was not going to remain ignored any longer. "

I wonder how many have felt that and wondered where to go next? You certainly describe what I have heard from others very eloquently.

To me the most helpful part of your comment is where you say that there is no "one size fits all", that we are all different with different needs and desires. As you say - there is always room for an individual.

Thank you very much.


mouse said...

Pygar Sir,

Recently, Master has raised his expectations, mouse has slacked off for many months (one personal crisis after another can do that to you), once the crisis had passed tho, mouse was still stuck in the same funk. It was almost like rediscovering her submission to her Master...and then pushing even deeper into it.

It was all those things, a shock, frightening and confusing, difficult, and it was also happy, joyful, and contented.

So many taboos come into play when you start break down barriers. Sometimes the most shocking part is that you enjoy those things; you start think about them, fantasize about them and desire them again and again.


Pygar said...

Thank you mouse - and also for the "hugs" - they are always welcome.

It is fascinating how you describe that returning to and rediscovering your submission brought back all the same feelings as at the start. Your description of the experience and feelings and breaking down of barriers is very moving.

I wonder how many who are new to submission have any idea of where it might lead in their discovery of themselves and their desires.

Hugs back


nilla said...

i guess i'm still working all that out.

i've been *writing* about it for just over a year, but living it? just since this January. And that encapsulates 5 visits with my local Sir, and online play with D2.

how do i cope with my submissive side and still be a caring, bossy Mom? i am rather broken in half. I have my totally vanilla life, and my D/s life.

When in D/s mode, i give Him all of who i am. i feel compacted, and ...protected and contained? the hardest times are when i am just going to Sir, when i am still full of Mommy/wifey bossiness...and learning to let that go on the drive is important. He will do things HIS way!
And then coming home, being in slut stupor, and needing to pick up the mantle of strong capable woman in i say, a work in progress.

i guess it goes to living in the now, whichever 'now' i'm in.

my wife knows i have this need. She only knows about the writing, and not the sex. it's something i'm not always comfortable about and never complacent. That is the largest part of this dichotomy for me, that i have a sexless marriage, but an intense D/s sexual relationship. Both fill me.