Tuesday, 30 November 2010

a passionate Dom

I noticed that a Dom who commented on a post a little while back described himself as a passionate Dom. I joked in an email exchange that I would steal the phrase from him!

On Beau I originally described myself as "a hopeless romantic". Then after a discussion with an online sub friend changed it to "a hopeful romantic". On this blog I described myself as "a kind Dom". It was intended as an apparent contradiction - to try to emphasise that the D part of D/s could be caring and affectionate. A sub who I met described me after an encounter as "a sensual Dom". I liked that very much and have quoted it often. But then the notion of "a passionate Dom" came up.

Yes - "a passionate Dom"!!!! That seemed to be something to aspire to.

However I came across a thread on a message board a little while ago where the writer bemoaned the fact as a female sub that she no long had passionate sex. That her partner as her Dom always had to be in control and therefore could not let himself go in the wild way needed to create a truly passionate encounter.

So I wonder - is she right? Is "a passionate Dom" even more of a contradiction than "a kind Dom"? What do readers think?


DauntlessVitality said...

Hmmm...I wonder who that was that called himself a passionate Dom?!?! ;) I think as a Dom you have to be many things to a sub. Sometimes demanding and in control...sometimes a guide and leader...sometimes a shoulder to cry on. I think a Dom that can't let go enough to be passionate any longer with his sub, has lost a bit of his edge. I'm not looking down on him. As with any relationship, over time we get into a rut, and you have to dig deep to get back on track.

I, as a Dom, ask a lot of my sub when it comes to being open, sharing everything, and not holding anything inside of her. In the case you describe, it seems as if the Dom is going against what he may require himself. We are all guilty of it at some point and time. He just has to be willing to open himself up and be willing to take a different approach. this may easier said than done, but is possible. He can be passionate and get back to the way things ought to be. He just has to be willing to do so, and openly talk about it with his sub, so that together they can get the most of the relationship and what they both need form it.


Pygar said...

Who indeed DV? :)

I think you are right - that passion can be (or perhaps must be) a part of a D/s relationship.

However I was wanting to investigate that contradiction that if a Dom is in control there is an implication that he cannot let himself go, become out of control as it were. Perhaps this element is really more an issue in BDSM play as opposed to a D/s relationship.

- P

greengirl said...

I think I don't really understand why a Dom would need to supress or abandon his passion. With risky things maybe he should keep tighter control of himself, for safety. But all the time? Sex isn't that dangerous unless it is made to be so. And passion can be expresses so many ways. Very intense, quiet, focused, powerful interactions (sex) may not be loud or wild, but they can certainly be passionate.

Jz said...

A former beau of mine (small "b") once made the comment that "Unrestrained volatility is not the same thing as passion." Nor does "passionate" mean out of control.

So, I'm not sure that the implication that "a Dom cannot indulge in passion because that would mean he's letting go" is a valid one. I'm more wont to say that you're actually talking apples and oranges with that kind of comparison.

Pygar said...

Thank you greengirl and Jz for your passionate responses! - Or rather your excellent defences of passion in BDSM.

I give in! I am persuaded - and happily so as I did like the idea of a passionate Dom!!!!


David said...

So, when can we expect the masthead to reflect the nature of the A Passionate Dom? or perhaps, A Kind and Passionate Dom?

Pygar said...

Now then David - you are tempting me!

I had thought that a "passionate Dom" might be a step on from a "sensual Dom", having moved from a "kind Dom". However it seemed that a "passionate Dom" might already have been copyrighted!!!

There is something attractive about it though don't you think? To be passionate about ones domination and ones relationship to another who submits. So yes passion seems something appropriate for such a relationship.

I was just trying to compare this though with the comment I had encountered that seemed to contrast passion with control.

There does seem to be a possible conflict there though I tend to agree with the comments which argue strongly that there is no incompatibility.

But to draw out the discussion ... I will add another comment here in a moment!

Thanks again.

- P

Pygar said...

Just do try to draw this out a little further ...

I wonder if subs reading this would prefer to receive a passionate beating or a controlled beating?

Not of course that I am suggesting they are incompatible!

Jz said...

Gee, I don't know, Pygar...
Which do you prefer to give???

Pygar said...

I am not sure Jz that I would immediately describe one in either of those ways.

Perhaps measured, sensual, stimulating, arousing, wistful, controlling, teasing, satisfying, playful, fulfilling, painful, pleasuring, slow, fast, vigorous, gentle, loving and challenging all come to mind. Would you prefer any of those?