Sunday, 20 February 2011


I am struggling with a new post at the moment. I started writing a new post about pain - but am having difficulty with it. While I whip it into shape you might be interested in the following.

I wrote a little while ago about "topping from the bottom".

I have just discovered that someone has used it as the basis for a discussion on Fetlife. If you are a member you can read the fascinating discussion here.

I may try to publish a brief synopsis of it in a comment - unless anyone else feels the urge to do so!

Thank you HisSoleProperty for using my thoughts to engender further discussion of this topic. It is interesting to see how a different group of people have responded to it.

More about 'pain' soon!


mouse said...

Can't wait to read it Sir!


blossom said...

What you struggling

Oh im sure you will have no problems whipping it into shape, practice makes perfect as the saying goes ;)

Looking forward to reading your post when its ready.

blossom xx

Pygar said...

Thank you mouse and blossom.

I am sure your eager anticipation will spur me to action!

P xx

Alice said...

I'm looking forward to this post on pain too! Especially since pain has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm interested in what you have to say about it.

DanesWood said...

Simply put, I couldn't submit to a Dom who allowed me to take control that way.
I always communicate as clearly as possible how I'm feeling to allow him to make decisions, but the whole point of submitting to someone is to relinquish all control.
It takes a lot of trust and discussion to reach that point, but once you do, why would you want to spoil that by topping from the bottom?

Pygar said...

Thanks Daneswood. I do appreciate what you say.

It was interesting to see on the fetlife thread that the theme of communications became central.

You say that it took a lot of trust and discussion to come to your present point. Most importantly you continue that communication about how things are working for you. You are clear - and I believe correct - that isn't topping from the bottom.

However a caring and trustworthy Dom will take account of that communication in deciding how things should develop. The trust is already there. However if his future actions led one to believe that he had not taken any notice of that communication then the trust could come under threat.

So he will be guided and influenced by your communication - but it is he who makes the decisions.

I worry though that not all Doms may be as subtle in their understanding of this which could lead to emotional or psychological - or even physical - harm to the sub when communication is ignored or dismissed as "topping from the bottom".

P xx

DanesWood said...

I walked away from one relationship because I felt the Dom made a poor choice and took a very unnecessary risk purely to prove a point.
If I can't trust 100% I can't submit completely.
I've always stressed how important all this is before progressing beyond negotiation with any Dom.
For play partners fine, for a D/s relationship where the sub hands over control it's in the interests of both to pay close attention and ensure there's good communication.
It takes a very strong submissive to say no sometimes, but then it takes a strong Dom to accept they're not alway right.

Unknown said...

struggling? Whipping? Px you can't say things like that! *LOL* you know my dirty mind kicks into gear right away!

Looking forward to the post -there's a lot to be said about pain ;)

/L. aka NTTL

Pygar said...

Thank you DanesWood. I think your remarks are very wise.

"It takes a very strong submissive to say no sometimes, but then it takes a strong Dom to accept they're not always right."

Subs and doms both need to be strong in this way I believe.

P xx

Pygar said...

Thank you /L. aka NTTL

- but I think you are making it even harder to get my mind into gear enough to write something sensible!

P xx