Tuesday, 28 August 2012


Katastrophe asked in a comment here about switching - where one may move between sub and Dom roles in a relationship or between relationships.

For some it can enhance a relationship - twice the fun! I suppose too that if one can take both roles then one can appreciate better what it is like for the other and empathise with ones partner. While I think that empathy is good and that a Dom should try to have a good understanding of what it is like for their partner I'm afraid I find the idea of submission for myself very difficult. Perhaps I do not have the courage!

I know some who have different roles with different partners. Two women I know will sub to men but will only act in a dominant role with other women.

Do readers have direct eperience of switching? What is it like for you?


Loki Taviel said...

I'm a more dominant switch, but I have trouble switching with the same partner. Generally I get a vibe off a person, and it makes me feel if I would be dominant or submissive towards them. It doesn't matter if it's male or female.

I think it helps as Master's slave, because we can plot fun things for the future together. We can both think through little details, and make a lot of fun of it. Watching his expression when I start to get much more sadistic when he would be is always funny too.

Pygar said...

Thank you for sharing Kitten.

I wonder if most switches are predominantly either Dom or sub?

It is good to have a sense of humour too!

P xx

Loki Taviel said...

I think most switches have tendencies about them, and aren't completely random in what side they play all the time. It's part of what can make one set of switches compatible for play, and another set completely unable to scene together.

nbs said...

No, I am not able to switch. I've tried a couple of times, on request but it does nothing for me at all.
My submissive side just quakes at the idea of being dominant..although I can be pretty tough but that is in my day to day life.. not my emotionally charged life. Hope that is clear!

Pygar said...

Thanks nancy.

I'm with you - I don't think I can switch but I've not yet had your courage to have a go!

It is interesting though that you find in your day to day life you can be dominant. I think many who have to be dominant in their vanilla life find submission to be an escape. Is that how it works for you?

Thanks too Kitten.

That is really interesting. If I understand you correctly there are underlying aspects that can make it possible for switches to play together but with other underlying factors that will not work. I wonder though how those underlying characteristics become apparent?

P xx

Writing Lizard said...

Long ago, I had an off-again-on-again boyfriend, with whom the sex had always been hot, but vanilla. One evening, out in a bar, we started talking about kink, and he asked me to slap him across the face.

Honestly, my efforts were comically pathetic. He was very encouraging, but I just did not have it in me.

Still don't. I can be tough in my non-sexual life, and within my sex life, I do sometimes like to surprise and/or tease, but in no way do I think of myself as a dom.

If there were a D/S scale akin to the Kinsey straight/gay scale (0=totally hetero; 6=totally gay); 0=totally sub and 6=totally dom, I'd give myself about a 1.

Pygar said...

Thanks Writing Lizard.

Though slapping someone's face is a very personal action. I think there is an earlier post about it. I can sometimes find it hard to slap my sub's face. The dynamic has to be just right - especially if it is a hard slap.

- P xx

nbs said...

yes I think it is exactly that.. an escape for me when I'm allowed to let my submissive/masochistic side out.
Sir is well aware of the stresses that I face in most of my daily life. He knows just how much I long to let go and let someone .. Him.. be in charge!
Thank goodness for His understanding.