Saturday, 6 April 2019

beating as a therapeutic tool

I read a post on a message board yesterday relating to an event I had been hoping to get to.

A woman wrote that she had been going through a very difficult and stressful time emotionally over a period of months. She was looking for some seriously hard play with a variety of  implements to help release some emotion. She said she was strong and did not need aftercare but that her ability to give aftercare to the Dom would be limited.

I wrote to her, not to offer my services, but to advise caution. I probably shouldn't have. I don't know her and it is none of my business. There were a few public responses from male Doms whose profiles expressed a sadistic streak offering to help out. There were also a few from female subs and switches offering empathetic and supportive comments.

Was I right to be at all concerned? I also wondered if the aftercare that she was rejecting might be the most important part. I worried about the motives too of the Doms who were offering to 'help'.

I know from the blogs of some submissives, including some readers of this blog, that others have found a beating can help their mood when they are in a negative frame of mind. I guess it is the power of the endorphins released.  I wonder if they would recommend it in such circumstances or whether they too might express caution?

(Sadly I didn't manage to get to the event. So I do not know if the beating took place or how it worked out.)


willie said...

I believe like anything this is subjective and personal to the individuals. I do find that a beating can put life back into perspective- or sometimes it does nothing at all.

I would caution someone who hasn't experienced this before, but not someone who has. We all process things differently. Do I need aftercare? depends on the circumstance. I don't really need physical aftercare,( beyond a blanket and sleep) but I do need more dominance to let my mind come down slowly. A beating opens up a submissive window and I need a place to put it.

Personally I could not submit to a beating by a stranger. I would assume there are people out there that do not need a connection to feel benefits of play, so it wouldn't be a huge leap or red flag to me that this sub didn't need aftercare or that Doms offered to help.


Pygar said...

Thank you very much willie for sharing your personal perspective. It is interesting for you that sometimes it works but sometimes it doesn't.

I was also interested when you wrote, "A beating opens up a submissive window and I need a place to put it." - in that a beating can create the submissive feeling rather than lead up to it. That must be why I keep telling Inès that she needs beating more often! You have just confirmed my feeling!!!


Yes, perhaps you are right that if someone can want to be beaten by a stranger then they may also not need aftercare. I think I still have concerns about both though. Perhaps it is about masochistic tendencies?

Thanks again

P xx

EsMay said...

Hello. P. You always have such thoughtful posts.

Aftercare can be a very bonding experience. I mean, so can spanking, but maybe she is able to distance herself in the spanking, especially if she's lying over an object and not a lap, and he uses implements only, and never his hand. But being hugged? Cuddled? Hands rubbed gently over her? Kisses to the head and face? It might be too much. Too intimate. She might realize in herself that it would make her want for more than just the spanking, and doesn't want to go there. Maybe she can give herself aftercare. Maybe she'll go home and wrap up in a warm blanket, or take a warm bath. Maybe she has compliments that have been given to her over the years written down so that she can read them for just such a time. I'm not sure, but I can see how she might be able to receive a spanking from a stranger, but not aftercare.

My worry though is asking for a strong spanking from someone she doesn't know. I hope he is well vetted, and even more so, I hope the event you mentioned meant that this would happen at a club or party where there are people there to watch over her with this person she has never met before. Hopefully he is a good man, and even alone he would listen to her safe words, and her requirements and hard limits before they started. I'm not even sure soft limits should be pushed if it's just a single session where he isn't establishing trust. But, I've heard too many stories where a stranger came in, heard a woman wanted it hard, and he gave her way harder than her level of hard. It's a dangerous position to be in, and I really hope she plays it safe.


Pygar said...

"You always have such thoughtful posts."


I am pleased when they inspire such thoughtful responses as yours and willie's. Thank you for commenting.

I find your comment insightful and empathetic. It helped me recognise better the role of aftercare. I share your worries. In this case however I am fairly sure she was safe and knew very well what she was getting in to and almost certainly with someone she know or knew through friends. In many ways I was more worried about her emotional safety. I thought she sounded to be in a difficult place and was unsure whether this might not be the right thing. One can only hope that she truly does have friends there who were able to understand her needs. I wasn't able to get to the event in the end so I don't know how it turned out.

Thanks again

P xx

Lea said...

A beating for me can be very stress relieving. For me personally, I could't handle one from a stranger. I need that connection, the intimacy, the aftercare as part of the package. I would want to have said *something* to this person. If they aren't new, or if they've done it before, I suppose they would know their own wants, needs and limits, but if that is unclear I would worry about it. Especially if I didn't say anything.

Pygar said...

It is interesting Lea that you too can find a beating stress releasing. Though as you say - it needs the "connection, the intimacy, the aftercare as part of the package. That makes perfect sense to me - and is probably why I found the example I quoted as potentially problematic. However we are all different with different needs and desires. So others will find it different for them.

Thanks for sharing your perspective.

P xx