Monday, 6 December 2010

Am I experienced?

One occasionally sees on contact sites people describing themselves as "experienced Doms" or seeking them. I began to wonder what this meant. Am I experienced?

I get emails from readers asking for advice - which suggests they assume I have a level of experience to be able to help them.

Where though does one gain such experience? How and when does one become experienced?

I do not have experience and expertise of using a single tail whip - but have enough life experience to know not to use it on another human being without appropriate knowledge and experience. Before a planned wax play session with a special friend - I first arranged a wax play session with an "experienced" sub friend. It was my first time and I could discuss it with her as we went along - so as a Dom I learned and gained experience from a sub. One should not be too proud about such things. It worked well - I learned enough to make the special session I had planned work very well because I had gained enough confidence and used appropriate caution.

Experience is very comparative and is not just about expertise in BDSM skills whether they be in use of a whip, wax play or anything else. There is much information available now also on many web sites for those eager to increase their knowledge.

In the end though perhaps more important is experience of life and relationships. In addition a true consideration for the needs of others and humility at ones own lack of knowledge and experience.

A Dom may claim expertise with a particular item of equipment - but if he has not the empathy to understand how and when to use it with a sub friend then that experience is worth nothing.

We are none of us too old or too experienced to learn.

So dear readers - are you experienced?

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Hello Pygar!

I do not have experience (nor do I claim to!)So this comment won't really reflect on either expertise or experience, but You did mention humility which made me think of this thing I found on another website, and I thought I'd share it, I think it reflects (my perception of) You (and my own Master too :) )

*A dominant is a ruler, but never a tyrant.
But to rule requires understanding, and understanding requires humility.

*A dominant has pride, but never arrogance.
But pride requires dignity, and dignity requires humility.

*A dominant commands respect, but never fear.
But respect requires serenity, and serenity requires humility.

*A dominant employs strength, but never force.
But strength requires knowledge, and knowledge requires humility.

*A dominant criticises, but never derides.
But criticism requires insight, and insight requires humility.

*A dominant receives, but never takes.
But receiving requires giving, and giving requires humility.

*A dominant completes, but never tries to alter.
But to complete one must be able to see what is there, not what is missing, and this most of all requires humility.

Author: J. Mikael Togneri ©