Thursday, 29 August 2013


Desireous wrote something interesting in a recent comment on this post. It was in the context of discussing whether ones needs could always be met by one person. She had found not even though it was her ideal situation so ad different deeds met by different people. That led her on to mention a new direction for her. She wrote,
Ideally for me I'd really like to have everything I want all in one person but that isn't that easy to find and sometimes you just have to settle or work with what life throws you I guess. Lately I've stumbled into the other side of D/s which opens up a whole new can of worms in regards to this subject. What of people who like to be dominated by one and submissive to another? As I feel that's kind of where I'm headed these days.
It might be even more difficult to find a partner who also switches in order that that ones submissive and dominant desires and needs can be fulfilled by the same person. So perhaps this is another case where a need for multiple partners becomes real.

I think it can be hard enough to find a compatible sub or Dom - but to find a compatible switch ... !

So any switches out there? How do you satiate your desires? With the same partner or with multiple partners?


Loki Taviel said...

I'm a switch that is much more person specific. People that bring out the submissive side of me, like sir, leave me absolutely fulfilled when we play. For people that bring out my dominant side, if we are very compatible, and more than just the occasional playmate, I am fulfilled by them as well.

For me it's just about the connection between the two people involved, and expression between them. What we do together isn't anywhere near as important.

Mistress Mari said...

I consider myself to be a switch, however I am not an "even" switch. I am significantly more dominant than not - in fact there is only one person who I will ever trust to dominate me. He's my D and I'm one of his s's and that's it. When I feel the need to submit, I seek him out and we do our thing. The rest of the time, with everybody else, I am a Domme. So for me I find that it is spread out between people, the one person I allow myself to submit to, and then the others that I dominate.

I've known switchy couples though, that worked out find between just the two people.

Pygar said...

I wonder then Loki whether to be totally fulfilled you need both those people - the dominant and the submissive in your life? You say you are fulfilled by each of them but without the other would you only be fulfilling part of your total personal needs and desires?

Thanks for your interesting thoughts

P xx

Pygar said...

I think Mistress Mari that many who are dominant in their day to day lives at times love the freedom and relaxation of letting go and allowing someone else to take control. I wonder if that is how your submissive relationship works - where you have found someone who you trust enough to put yourself totally in their hands to relax and absolve yourself of all your responsibilities just for a little while?

Thank you so much for your interesting thoughts.

P xx

Pygar said...

I've been thinking through a bit further the thoughts expressed by Des. It has stimulated some more thoughts of my own.

If one is a sub then it may be difficult enough to find a dominant who is capable of understanding those needs and is interested in helping meet them. There is also the issue of being able to ensure that person is caring and trustworthy.

If one also has some dominant needs - then expecting that same person who is meeting one's submissive needs also to be able to switch to enable one's dominant needs to be met might be seen as unreasonable.

Surely one must be very lucky to find a partner who can switch and also find fulfilment in the switching needs of the other. Having said that - there are many couples who do manage to switch with each other. However for most I wonder if to meet separate submissive and dominant needs that one will need to have separate partners for each. It might even be that one's need within submission or domination requires different people to fulfil them completely.

So if one has complex needs - it it almost inevitable that one may need different partners to to meet those needs fully?

Thanks Des for raising this fascinating point.

P xx

Desireous said...

To be honest I really don't think I'd be able to submit to someone who was submissive with me. I need my dominant to be strong and dominant and if he were to submit it would take away from that. That's why it takes two people to satisfy both sides. I wonder how others feel about that?

Pygar said...

That's fascinating Des ... and gives rise to a contradiction. Part of you would like one person to meet all your needs yet another part recognises that your needs actually demand more than one person for them to be met.

There are couples who do take turns as it were - switching with just each other. However I can see your point Des. If one wants to fully submit to someone - can it be real if there are times when they submit to you?

Thanks for your fascinating insights that help develop this topic even further.

P xx