Tuesday, 10 September 2013

when your spouse cannot meet all your needs ...

... then what do you do?

Depends on the depth of need to a certain extent I suppose. Need a shirt ironing? No. Obviously I am talking about those needs that seem part of who you actually are as an individual. Those needs can change over time. Being able to continue to met the needs of those one loves and to have them met can become more and more problematic over a long timescale.

I have been married for a long time. Only last year I finally left. I suppose my needs had not been met for a long time. However there are other factors that keep one together. Where a couple have children they will often - and I believe quite rightly - put them first. Often an individual will put the happiness of their partner before their own needs and continue whilst unhappy and unfulfilled themselves.

There is no right answer and many struggle with this problem for years. I know it has happened to many who I have made contact with over the years in relation to D/s. They have discovered a growing and irresistible need inside themselves to submit and to have their partner control and dominate them. Yet their partner is unable to fulfil this role. What do they do? Well in my experience they have all found different ways to try to find their own happiness and fulfilment and to explore their budding desires and new found needs.

One who has found herself in this position and who is struggling with this dilemma has written to Uncle Agony. You will find her email here. Do read it - and if you have thoughts of your own about the best way forward please write a comment there. You may have found yourself in exactly that position. How did you resolve it? Or are you still struggling yourself?


Pygar said...

The first comment on the Uncle Agony post by His slut went up within seconds! It was a very supportive and thoughtful comment. Thank you His slut.

Any more thoughts anyone?

P xx

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Mr. Pygar, for the shout out. This community has so graciously embraced me that i felt it was only right to try and pay it forward.

Pygar said...

You are welcome His slut.

tori has also added a detailed and personal comment explaining how she had dealt with a similar situation and how it worked out. Thank you tori. Your very honest and open description is extremely helpful.

P xx

Pygar said...

nilla has written a fascinating response here.

I had to rush to show it to Inès as there were so many interesting connections with parts of her life.

Thank you so very much nilla for your very personal response.

P xx

nilla said...


Thanks Pygar...


Pygar said...

Yet two more very different and very interesting responses from LtL and Ashley. They each develop the discussion in yet new directions. Thank you both.

P xx

Pygar said...

If you have not already done so do pop over to Uncle Agony to read this interesting discussion here. There is now also a very gracious reply from B.

Good luck B.

P xx