Thursday, 26 September 2013

"... deeper and more profound"?

I received an unexpected comment to a post on Uncle Agony today. I suppose all comments are unexpected as only very rarely would someone tell me in advance that they planned to comment. However this was particularly unexpected as the discussion was more than two years old. I know that old posts do still get readers and I occasionally get new coments to old posts.

This one was critical but the content implied the commenter had read the post and subsequent comments. You can find the comment here and the original post here.

George worried that introducing D/s into  a new and loving relationship could possibly ruin the strong, loving relationship that they had built. I felt that my response and that of others was to suggest that the introduction of D/s was more likely to enhance it. I have found rereading the comments very interesting. I did not feel any arrogance or bravado in them. They talked of balance and the importance of the strength of a vanilla side to the relationship.

However the commenter clearly read it differently. He or she found an implication in the posts that D/s was deeper or more profound than other relationships. They argued that to believe this exhibited "narcissism and hubris".

I wonder if we get so involved in this world that there is an inherent belief that a D/s relationship is in some way 'better' or  in the words of the commenter 'deeper or more profound'? Although I would not try to claim that D/s relationships were 'better' than vanilla relationships, on a personal level I am more fulfilled than in a vanilla relationship. However I hope would not proselytise or try to convert others to D/s in an evangelical spirit.

I wonder though if the commenter has an element of truth. Do we believe that D/s relationships are 'better' than vanilla relationships? Do we try to persuade others of this?


mouse said...


That comment in the context of the post mouse read is laughable. It's quite obvious the person hasn't a clue the deep level trust one needs to embark on a D/s styled relationship. While mouse can't really know, it would seem this individual read 50 Shades of Grey as instead of the ridiculous piece of erotic fan fiction, but as a primer for a D/s dynamic!

D/s can certainly enhance a relationship, even a simple friendship and bring people closer than they thought possible. In the right hands it can embolden, foster confidence, and take you into a deeper understanding of yourself.

Of course all this is simply the two cents of a consensual slave and can be written off at the readers will.

And finally Sir, mouse apologizes for the curt language and the reference to 50 Shades. It just seems there's been some very harsh criticisms levied upon those of us who do engage in this lifestyle since those books came out.

Thank you for your time.


tori said...

Better? no. Simply different.

We all have different needs, i thrive in being in an M/s relationship, for me and my Master its good for us for us its meets both our needs.

This does not mean however that i view my relationship as being better than people in a vanilla relationship, i think anon clearly has a bug up their ass as well as a complete lack of understanding of the original posts and subsequent comments.


nilla said...

I think two words at the end of "deeper and more profound" would clear up the matter in its entirety... and that would be "to me."

I have both relationships-D/s and vanilla, with two different people. There are elements and nuances in my vanilla relationship that I feel aren't necessary in my D/s relationship. My vanilla relationship is 35 years old, while my D/s one is a mere 4--but on nearly every level (and that would be where my children come into the equation) I find more fulfillment from my D/s path. If not for the kids, I would choose to make D/s my 24/7 lifestyle.


Anonymous said...

Any relationship where each partner knows who they are and is free to fully express that, is going to be deeper and more profound. Vanilla or otherwise. D/s can be an expression of that. D/s requires a great deal of trust and communication. Any relationship where there is mutual trust and good communication with be deeper and more profound.

Some (certainly not all) people online do have a superior tone, most likely unintentional. They have found something that works for them, that they love, so they are saying it is the best thing ever. Perhaps the commenter is reacting to that, and I can understand that.

I would find my most fulfillment in a D/s relationship, because I am wired for submission. I would not find fulfillment in a vanilla relationship.

Likewise an inherently vanilla person would not find fulfillment attempting a D/s relationship.

Read the many accounts online of married couples where the one kinky one is trying to "convert" the vanilla partner, and this is painfully (like the pun?) illustrated.

Pygar said...

What strong emotions that original comment has stirred - and what powerful comments in response. Thank you all - mostly mouse, tori, nilla and Anonymous. I wonder if the original commenter has read any of your very thoughtful, well argued and insightful responses. I would be interested to know whether they have had any effect on their view.

No apologies are necessary mostly mouse. I think your words illustrated why you have "mostly" before "mouse" in your name! I am interested that you find attitudes may have changed since '50 Shades ...' came out. Perhaps I may follow this up later.

I think tori and nilla emphasise well the importance of using "better" just in relation to ourselves. If that is what we find in our own relationships then that aspect seems indisputable. It just is. It is very illuminating nilla that you can compare two current relationships to illustrate this.

I think you speak very thoughtfully Anonymous. Yes - there have been many commenters to this blog and to Uncle Agony who have tried or are trying to "convert" a partner and as you suggest, most have had difficulties. The deep need they have to try however perhaps also illustrates what you are saying.

Again - thank you all.

P xx