Thursday, 22 October 2015

further reading

I have found the discussion on my previous post emotional sadism very stimulating. I am moving towards the feeling that one of the key issues is the lack of comprehension of society at large that sadism and masochism of any kind could be a key part of a loving and caring relationship. So perhaps the issue relates as much to physical sadism as it does to emotional sadism. mouse wrote in the discussion that some commenters to her own blog found it difficult to recognise that punishment could be accompanied by consent.

There have been lots of discussions on here in the past about the relationships and distinctions between punishment and consent and also bdsm and abuse. The most recent one was only a couple of weeks ago here - it may be worth contrasting it with a very early one from 2008 here. So rather than going over the same ground again I thought it might be worth linking to some of the previous posts for any who are interested in discussing these issues further. These are a some I discovered quickly:

when D/s turns into abuse

abuse and bdsm

punishment and domestic discipline

domination, pain and sadism

avoiding abusive Doms

domestic abuse


I am sure there are lots more but these are a few I have found for a start. If you have any more thoughts please do post them in a comment below.


Anonymous said...

This topic is at the forefront of my mind. It was a part of our initial conversation before going down this path. I was/ and am concerned that I don't know the difference between love and abuse. I was concerned, as He is an action man, that I wouldn't know how to tell it with Him.

Recently, reality has been so that He isn't as available as I need - physically, mentally and emotionally. I was questioning if it was on that border, without sharing my concerns with Him.

Then, He acknowledged it. He brought up one of my biggest fears. He doesn't want to sour me against this lifestyle or Him and acknowledges that at this moment He can't provide all so we need to discuss and work out what works for us both so I do not get damaged.

I think in this lifestyle lines can be crossed. It can get very blurry when all a sub wants is her Master to be happy, regardless. I've seen a friend go through it. She is so damaged but feels like she would never have another Master again, so stays.

Pygar said...

Thank you His slut for sharing your personal situation with us. (Interested readers can find out more about your relationship on your own blog here. I believe a lot has to do with trust which is so essential. Perhaps you are still working out whether you fully know or trust him? That may be to do with your own thoughts and personality as much as his. What I find positive though is that you are both discussing it and seeking ways to ensure you do not become "damaged".

It is concerning that you have had a friend go through this but positive that you are able to learn from it.

Readers may be interested in comments on this issue from other readers on previous posts here and here.

Thanks again His slut and good luck.

P xx

Anonymous said...

We are definitely learning to trust each other. One way that helps is He reminds me there is no right way to feel, I just need to allow myself to feel the way I feel and talk to Him about it. He is still learning to trust me because of His fear. Interesting that we have the same fear, when you diagram it.

He has been repeatedly hurt, "abused" by the ones He trusted. The same with me.

So, we protect ourselves as we try to protect each other. It has been quite the tangled mess until this week. This week we trusted each other with more of ourselves emotionally than ever before.

As far as my friend. It's sad. I try to help her but you can't make someone strong. They have to do it themselves. He has crushed her and continues to. She feels that is all she is worth, so continues.

Pygar said...

The way you describe your relationship, His slut, and the care you each have for the other's emotions looks to me to be very positive.

I always say that a submissive needs to be strong and I think you have that strength. It is interesting that your Master has been so hurt. It is Doms who are expected to be strong and the fact of them being hurt is not often recognised or admitted. You seem to understand and feel for each other and I am sure the necessary trust will come.

Good luck and thanks again

P xx

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Pygar.