Thursday, 25 August 2016

humiliation, needs and likes

The most visited post on this blog is titled Humiliation. That in itself is fascinating.

I started to think about it in terms of our recent discussions about needs and likes. Can someone actively like being humiliated? Where it is desired is it because if fulfills some deep down need? Is humiliation a way of creating a deep feeling of submission to another? Is humiliating another a way of exerting power and control in a strong way? Is it a psychological equivalent of a severe beating?

Are there any readers who like or need to be humiliated? There were several in response to the first post.


SwitchingFun said...

I personally enjoy having humiliation and degradation as part of the scene dynamic, both as the Receiver and the Giver. They can serve as a substitute for physical pain or additional to it to enhance scene intensity.

What to expect?
As the Receiver we harvest the feelings of being helpless, hurt, ashamed, guilty, dirty(?). While as the Giver the reward is coming from the sensations of being a control master, a powerful owner, a rightfully confidence dominant, a noble bastard - who can instruct evil things to happen then escape the consequence, or a compassionate play partner - if we do not like getting into it but willing to play anyway just to please our play partner. These are powerful feelings to look forward to, for the RIGHT person.

I know some alpha sadist and alpha masochist who are craving for high level of humiliation and degradation, which include altering play partner's apperance/behaviour, playing in public area with possibly public humuliation or getting caught by authorities. As long as both parties enjoy it, I say no reason for not to try. Just a precaution though, do communicate with your play partner beforehand about your preferences (do & don't). Or find the right S/m to play with.

Happy scene-ing to all.

Pygar said...

Thank you very much SwitchingFun for your very informative description of what subs and Doms get out of using humiliation within a scene. As you say "As long as both parties enjoy it, I say no reason for not to try."

You add a useful word of caution also.

Happy scene-ing to you too!

I see you have recently started a blog, A Protege's Diary, which looks as if it going to be very interesting. Good luck with it.

P xx

willie said...

I find being humbled a very useful tool in our relationship. It knocks me down a peg, perhaps that is not the right term. It brings down my defenses and allows me to see things as they are not in a defensive or antagonistic sense, which can happen if I feel hurt.

I do suppose that the distinction between being humbled, and humiliation depends on the individual. I would be humiliated performing all of those acts described in the comments of your linked post. I personally would not benefit from those public acts. That being said, I do many women who tell me they would be humiliated if they were required to stand in the corner for example.


willie said...

oops * I do KNOW many women

And I suppose I didn't really answer all of your questions. In our (relatively vanilla compared to some LOL) relationship, submitting to things that make me uncomfortable, or peck away at my 'pride' it isn't a substitute for a 'good beating' but it is either an augmentation ( if it is after) or a way to prep my mind and heart for submitting to one. Other times it is a way to maintain our dynamic. Some days I have to fight the (prideful) battle within to submit to them. When my submissive side finally wins out, which it almost always does, there is harmony both within myself and our relationship.

Pygar said...

Thank you willie. As always, a very interesting response.

You write, "I find being humbled a very useful tool in our relationship."

I wonder if "being humbled" may be the same as being humiliated? There may be a distinction - perhaps of degree? It is interesting though that you discuss that distinction and I suppose you are right that it depends on the individual. Being humbled though to me seems more closely linked with submissiveness in a way I personally feel more comfortable with. Thank you for making the distinction here.

And also finding it a "very useful tool" in your relationship is very different from actively liking it. I get the impression that you do like being humbled but might balk at being humiliated.

Your description of finding harmony is very touching.

P xx

willie said...

LOL...well typical Willie response, I enjoy the effects of being humbled, like a mask being taken off, but being the thought of it, before and during~ not so much!

Pygar said...

Your analogy of the effects of being humbled, "like a mask being taken off" is very striking!

P xx

DM said...

Hmm,interesting question. You do make me examine myself Pygar! While I love a good spanking, even the very painful ones I don't physically like but that feed my submissive soul, I'm not into humiliation as a whole. I am a bit of a attention whore and do in fact crave the adoration of my Love. While I acknowledge His right to do such things, I do a good enough job in the self deprecating department on my own to not want someone who doesn't see the true beauty in me and who gets off on my insecurities. There is a line for me between Dominance and abuse. Once crossed there's no coming back.

Pygar said...

Thanks Dani.

Yes unless the dynamic is exactly right I can see how humiliation could feel very like abuse.

Good luck Dani

P xx

Lea said...

I think there is a subtle difference between humiliation and embarassment. I prefer to be embarrassed, but not quite humiliated. I think humiliation goes down to the core of a person, their biggest fears about themselves, which makes them so powerful. It takes quite a person indeed to be able to humiliate but still retain the loving part of the relationship.

Pygar said...

Yes Lea, I think humiliation is much, much stronger than embarrassment. Indeed as you suggest there seems a contradiction between humiliating someone and loving them so getting that right in a relationship must be difficult.


P xx