Saturday, 7 February 2009


Lady Alpha wrote in a comment to an earlier post that,
"... pain is generally perceived by the population to mean something that should be avoided. Even coupling the word 'exquisite' with 'pain' doesn't seem to get the message across: pain is extreme sensation, and is not necessarily bad or best avoided."

I do not like feeling pain. I am quite a wimp really! So I am full of admiration for subs who undergo pain as part of a scene. I would not normally deliberately cause anyone pain. But within a D/s dynamic, within a BDSM encounter pain can be an essential and fulfilling part. I have had a sub request more pain from me - more strokes - harder. She needed that within the context of the encounter to fulfil her desires and needs.

It can be interesting to investigate sensations - to try to find the point where a pleasurable sensation turns to discomfort and where discomfort turns to pain. It can be fascinating to investigate where pain can be pleasurable and where pleasure can be painful.

The endorphins created by pain can give great pleasure - it is similar to athletes pushing themselves in a painful way and getting an endorphin rush that helps them to extreme performance. Many subs like to push themselves in the same way, helped by the same endorphin rush.

Within a D/s relationship pain can also be part of the establishment of a relationship of control - the administering and receipt of, say, a spanking establishes the whole nature of the relationship.

For some spanking or being spanked can be the totality of the BDSM and D/s aspect of the relationship. They just like spanking!

I have only touched the surface here I am sure - and there may be many subs who enjoy spanking or more extreme pain in a D/s relationship who may be able to explain much better.

It is also the responsibility of a Dom to ensure that the context of the administration of pain is such as to enable the sub to gain satisfaction, fulfilment - and yes even pleasure - from the scene.

As Lady Alpha says, pain is extreme sensation. Perhaps rather than just not necessarily being avoided - there may be circumstances where it is to be embraced.


goodgirl said...

I enjoy pain and crave it - as much as I crave humiliation or any other element of bdsm that floats my boat. However I only enjoy it and crave it within that bdsm context. If I get hurt outside of that context, it's a bad pain - something I'd prefer to avoid. I'm pretty sure that I need to be in subspace to some extent to be able to enjoy pain. Outside of that headspace I'm just a big wimp as well.

elle said...

my masochism is two-fold for me. one half is my mental willingness to accept whatever my dom has in store for me. the second half, is my own personal challenge - how much i can take before i break. i cannot think of a scene where a dom i was with who didn't break before i did. meaning - they stopped because they thought i had too much, not because i wanted it to end.

but very much like goodgirl, pain without pleasure just frigging hurts and i avoid it at all costs. =)

hugs, elle

selkie said...

pain for me is ultimately a focus for meditation; when you feel the lash across the back, the cut across the bottom, it calls for MASSIVE focus. May people see meditation as a state of mind "beyond" - moving out of yourself - in actual fact, meditation is forcing your mind and spirit into the NOW - this moment, this second, this immediate blip in life. Pain will do that - it makes worries, stresses, concerns retreat as you gather your resources, your strength to focus on dealing with the sensation.

As you succinctly point out, there has to be a lead-up - too much pain too soon would distract, rather than focus - there has to be (for me anyways) a build up - a gradual focusing until you're in the "spot"....

and yes, it is important to have a dominant who is VERY aware not just of the level of damage being inflicted, but intimately familiar with the bottom or submissive - know that she is not always capable of saying "stop" - and being able to keep a cool head while at one and the same time, being intimatel entwined in the journey the two of you are taking (for me, the dominant HAS to be as involved or my focus slips).

and while I don't care for "regular" pain, I must admit my pain threshold is HUGE - and I can process and deal with far more than most individuals - which, in a quirky, way, made me a great partner to a sadist !

Moi said...

I don't like pain. But...if opened slowly in sex, taken beyond my normal self, I yearn for it.

Tiggs said...

Pain and pleasure are invariably linked for me. Have been since childhood. It's a link that as yet can rarely be unbroken. It has been, several times, but is not the ultimate thrill for me.


K said...

I just don't like pain. I'm exploring my submissive tendencies and enjoy the, sometimes intense, sensations of a good hard spanking, but I'm really not interested in the pain. I guess some of the sensations I enjoy might be considered painful to others. If anything I do, or have done to me, hurts, we do something else.

Pygar said...

Thank you to you all for talking of this from the point of view of the person receiving the pain. There seems to be a common thread that the build up is all important - as is the role of the Dom. This isn't just aout hurting someone - but about creating an environment for pain to become something to be embraced as an "extreme sensation".

But as K points out - to be a sub does not imply that one has to enjoy pain.

There seems to be a challenge for some as is perhaps explored by elle.

I like too selkie's description of pain as a focus for meditation- which ultimately leads her to a masochism - even if she still doesn't like pain in a day to day context.

As with so much of D/s there is a great responsibility on the Dom to know his sub and to be very aware of her state of mind - and how far he can take such a scene. I tend to act with caution - perhaps I have never known a sub well enough in this context to become too extreme. Elle talks too of her Dom breaking before she did.

I wonder sometimes if it becomes a mental challenge. A battle almost of who might break first.

Thank you all for your insights.


Daniella said...

Recently I started to hate pain and avoid it. I see it as useless for me as most people don't know why they give it.
The only pain I can't do without it's pain in nipples and spanking :)

Pygar said...

That seems a bit of a contradiction Daniella. You now hate pain ... but you can't do without certain pain?

Perhaps all bdsm pain is a contradiction. The notion of pain leading to pleasure.