Monday, 2 February 2009

the eroticism of power

I wrote last of the erotic power of submission. Of how submission to me was powerful. How it could arouse me in a very strong physical sense. Some subs wrote that the act of submission had the same effect on them - that there was an eroticism in the relationship.

There is a flip side to this though that does not feel to me so positive.

I am not aroused by my own power - or I think not - I am aroused by the woman's submission to me. But is this not the same? That would worry me though.

Power too has a strong erotic force. Many women are attracted by power. Would Monica Lewinsky have been drawn to service Bill if he had just been a bloke she met in a bar? There are numerous examples in British politics of senior politicians of a certain age and without obvious physical attractions having affairs with beautiful younger women. Presumably these women are attracted by the power of the men. It arouses them in the same way that submission arouses me.

This may be the case also with the legion of examples of older businessmen having young, beautiful, "trophy" wives. There is sometimes an assumption that they have been attracted by their husbands money. But could it be their power that attracts them?

This is often abused by men in powerful positions. They know the effect of their power and influence. They could perhaps be helpful in ensuring promotion if only ...

So women may provide favours and may even occasionally receive preferment as a result. So unscrupulous men abuse their power because some women make use of it.

I have been in senior positions with power over the preferment of female staff. I have never misused that position in this way and have never been tempted to. However I know of one example of a senior colleague who had a reputation for appointing pretty women and having affairs with them. This was despised by male and female colleagues but he seemed to get away with this abuse of power.

There is also the point that in analysis of rapes that the perpetrators do not do it for sex - but to exert their power over a woman.

So whilst power may be an attractive quality in a Dom, one that is desirable to his sub ... there are aspects of use of this power with which, even as a Dom, I find very uncomfortable.


Anonymous said...

Maybe it's possible to enjoy power without abusing it? Maybe that's what's special about a dom?

Tp x

Anonymous said...

I believe the power of a Dom and the power you speak of in talking about certain men are not the same thing.

In an M/s relationship, no let me change that I won't generalize for all I will speak for myself so, In my M/s relationship there is an exchange of power. I have a need to dominate and she has a need to submit. My personal power soars when she does and this drives my sexual gratification and at the same time hers does the same by submitting. By changing who has the power to decide we increase and multiply both of our levels of energy.

In the case of a man/woman who has an amount of positional power and chooses to abuse it no such growth of energy occurs. Rather they suck up an use the energy present, taking from the other party and often from themselves.

They waste the energy on a short term high much like a drug addict. As opposed to the positive energy growth I spoke of above which would be analogous to drugs used as medicine where they do good.

Although I have much positional power in my life as a master/father/boss/man/white/tall/wealthy/educated and likely a few more I don't worry about how I use it. I know that to the best of my ability in all aspects of my life I seek to increase the energy around me and to multiply in others.


May said...

I think the power of the dom is much different that general types of "power-over" because the dom is given his power by the sub - it's not something that is being forced upon them such as in rape - and that I think makes all the difference.

I know when I'm being dom in a situation, much of the sexiness comes from knowing my partner trusts me enough to let me have complete responsibility for his pleasure and pain. I think it's an honor and I treat it as such.

Moi said...

I am definitely attracted to men of power.

The kind of power I find so alluring is what I call "power from within." This is a quiet power, steady and sure. It does not need to broadcast itself because it IS.

The kind of behavior you talk about does not seem like power to me. Those who are truly in their power don't abuse their position. That sort of situation is someone trying to be powerful because they truly aren't. I recognize it immediately and find it a total turn-off.

But that other kind of power? I bow...I have to.

Pygar said...

Thank you Tristan's pet, Sir J, May and Gillette. Perhaps the issue is, as pet writes, about abuse of power rather than power itself. I suppose this gets to the heart of what is behind a lot of my posts on here - about the whole ethical basis of the D/s dynamic. The sub too holds great power - but it is of a different kind and the nature of the consensual power exchange is central. As May says - the power is "given" by the sub and so different from other contexts.

But I think Gillette has highlighted one of the points I was trying to raise - that power itself is alluring to many women. I think she is right too in her analysis of power. Perhaps those who want the trappings of power - the trophy wife, the big office, the bossing about or manipulation of junior staff - are lacking confidence in their power so need the outward signs. Perhaps those with real power are those who do not need the trappings. They are comfortable with their power and have no need to misuse it.