Tuesday, 24 February 2009


It came out of the blue.

She asked to be released.

It was an online relationship. We had hardly known each other long. In truth we were still getting to know each other - though a bond and affection had grown quickly. I had warned her at the start that such relationships can become very intense. She had thrown herself into it with gusto - becoming far more submissive and sensuous than she had imagined posible at the start. Perhaps that was the problem.

She'd had a weeks holiday and time to reflect - even though she was keeping up to her reduced daily tasks. She realised that embracing her submission had consequences for her daily life. Her work was suffering. She was neglecting her friends. The sexual energy she chose to expend on me left little for her husband. The growing deceit was hard to maintain. The time she set aside for creative thought was now taken up with erotic reverie. Household tasks were being left undone. She had been taken over so completely by her submission.

So before she fell back into that safe space of submission - she reasserted herself and asked for release.

I think she did right.

I had written for her some overriding instructions. In summary these said that she should look after herself physically, emotionally and psychologically. She should do nothing to harm herself in these ways or to damage her relationships with family or friends or her standing in the community or at work.

But her very submission to me was in conflict with these overriding instructions.

So in a way - asking for release was carrying out my instructions. There was a contradiction that in continuing to submit to me the consequence would be to break those instructions I had carefully put in place. I wanted her to grow through submission to me rather than be diminished. But for her it was having the opposite effect. So she did right and I am pleased she did so before real damage had been caused.

That does not stop a sadness we might both share for the loss of what might have been.

I hope though that we have both learned from this.

I wish her well and every happiness.


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that it did not work out as you had hoped. I can only imagine your surpise and sadness at this turn of events. I admire your compassion and chivalry given the circumstances.


CharliB. said...

I have had (and still am having) very personal experience with just this scenario and completely understand and empathize with the psychological immersion that she went through in discovering her inner submissive core. I know the depth of feeling and emotion that can develop in a very short space of time as well as the overwhelming sense (and truth) that other things in your preexisting life are being diminished, to some extent.

Without knowing her I can only speculate, ofcourse, but I believe that, from what you described, it will be very hard for her to go back to her "normal" life.....it will not be long before she is again drawn to submission. I am afraid that once someone discovers this aspect of his/her personality it is just not possible to put it back in the box, so to speak.

We are who we are and nothing (or no one) will be able to change that.

Pygar said...

Thank you Lev for your kind words. They are very much appreciated.

Thank you too Charli for your explanation of how it feels from the sub's perspective. That is so valuable - to me as well as to other readers I am sure. I too had wondered what the long term effects of such an awakening might be.


Anonymous said...

I completely agree with Charli's comment that your girl will likely not be able to 'put away' her newfound submission, even though it may have caused issues with her life. I've tried to do the same, and it has never stayed put for too long. The yearning always returns, so much so that sometimes I curse the day I realized who and what I am. Take care of yourself right now, and take comfort in things that bring you pleasure. You may even find that another turn of events is around the corner...

My best to you, as always,

Sue said...

I am curious about what you believe you've learned through this experience?

What would you do differently if the circumstances arose?


trinity pup said...

Wishing you well Pygar... hope you are not too sad for too long.


t. x

January Blackthorne said...


<3 <3 <3

Tristan said...

*nods quietly*
I remember being surprised. It's never fun. Change is always good (I keep saying that) and we hcange all the time.

It just means you will find the right one, maybe next time.

Moi said...

What a powerful experience for you both. What a gift your realizations are for her.

Opening can be scary. Opening Big can overwhelm.

I have re-learned a valuable soul lesson these past few years: Things are often not as they appear to be in the moment; Truth can be veiled in fear.

Allowing a Yes can lead to huge stuff, which triggers a No in protection.

It will be interesting to see where her no leads her.

Pygar said...

Thank you blueeyes, t, J, Tristan and Gillette for your comments and your supportive words.

The thread trough some comments about the difficulty of putting submission back in its box once it has been let out is interesting - but one perhaps for a sub blogger to explore further rather than me.

swan asks what I have learned and what I would do differently. I think I can feel another blog post coming on swan about that very thing!


David said...

Be well my friend.

Pygar said...

Thank you David.

- P

Pygar said...

I suggested above that a female blogger might investigate further the issue about "putting submission back in the box".

Well Selkie has done just that.

She has written at some length about her own feelings in relation to submission and whether it can be "put back in the box". I recommend you visit her blog and read her thoughtful posts. The last one is here with links to the previous parts.