Thursday, 30 July 2009

The insecurities of a Dom

When I commented on another blog recently and mentioned my occasional insecurities as a Dom the writer expressed her surprise that Doms to could feel this way.

But we are only human and at times, like anyone else, will feel unsure and even some trepidation. To assume we can automatically fulfil any sub's needs smacks of arrogance. I believe an arrogant Dom can easily become a dangerous Dom.

Uncle Agony has recently received a letter from a new Dom. It is quite a fascinating and honest piece about trying to help his wife awaken her submissive desires whilst developing his own Dom nature. I think it has great potential. He is keen though to have some views from other subs that might help him in wakening his wife's submissive tendencies.

So if any of you who can remember the awakening of your own submissive nature would like to offer advice I know he would be grateful to hear from you - or from others who have supportive comments.


Christina said...

Pygar in your blog of 7-30-09 you wrote this statement: An arrogant DOM can be a dangerous DOM! And my response is: DOMs must be put in their place from the first time one may meet online. August 3rd 2009 will be one year since he ventured into my Instant Message experience and yesterday afternoon during our chat found out that he didn't want to be my Master. He's not monogamous & so he wanted me to submit for sex? and so I laid down some laws to protect me from any viruses. How cheap; selfish; self-centered he was and thus we're not meeting, ever! He just wants to be a Mentor/Friend. Am I bitter, not really though I did want to meet him, he lives Nyc but at least I won't be spending money I really don't have to visit. My luck with ASSHOLES is phenominal!

Tristan said...

You know, Christina, this might be a good one for Uncle Agony, but since we're here...

I've got two thoughts right away on your problem. One is that you're absolutely right about protection. It's a poor Dom that allows a sub to become ill, damaged or resentful. You're well to be done with him if that's not a concern of his. Any meeting such as that would definitely require a lot of "up front" discussion on safety, limits and safe words. Just maybe not in terms of demands.

therefore, secondly, I wonder if you might not have been a little your demands. It could be that you're not as ready to submit as you thought and it probably got his hackles up and had him looking for something more to his ...needs.

As for his mentoring you, well just be certain to pick your mentors carefully. It's a role with great responsibility but one that can easily be abused.

Anonymous said...

Christina... story of my life (as a submissive)

Pygar- coming from someone who tried to bring my husband into the lifestyle.. and failed miserably on most levels. i'm afraid i have a tarnished opinion on the matter and would not wish to discourage the Dom who posted on Uncle Agony.

(wow, i sound terribly cranky today)

NiteStorms lite said...

i will check out your other blog Sir. i dont know what advice i might have but, its nice to know there is a place to go when we have a question we'd like answered.

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