Wednesday, 12 January 2011

"good girl" - again

I was writing a comment in response to the lovely comments I had to my "good girl" post below. However the responses were all so personal and interesting that I decided to write a follow up post instead.

Thank you all! How wonderful to get so many responses. I suppose it shows how powerful those words were as I had suggested.

Forgive me if I don't thank you all by name - please consider yourselves thanked. "Good girls"!

(And hyvä tyttö to one who hasn't commented yet but also to any others who may understand it - including one who I think might!)

I understand how many of you have found it a term of praise and recognition and thus gives you great pleasure. But wouldn't "well done" do the same? Part of me thinks not.

There is something about "good girl" that seems more powerful Indeed is it not to do with power? The ability for a man to say to a grown woman "good girl" and for her to delight in it? For a strong woman in other circumstances - running a home, a job, taking on so many responsibilities ...

To be described as a "girl" - it might seem demeaning.

But as a "good girl" - then the contrast of the praise with that.

Can that be part of it?

thesubmissivebf mentioned the recollections of its use in our youth. Perhaps that is part of it too.

Mindset talks of the "inner child". Is there not an inner child in all of us that longs to be cherished?

nancy also mentioned the childhood associations.

So is there an element of feeling small and cared for that is part of this that fits in with the D/s dynamic?

NewToThisLife07 values the fact that a Dom also takes pleasure in these words.

Perhaps that completes the circle of domination and submission formed by those two simple words:

"Good girl"

But thank you all for the expressive way in which you wrote of those words moving you ... it was moving also to read of them.

P xxxx


Kenzy said...

I'm in a relationship that has many wonderful feelings, but zero intimacy. I so long for him to be able to physically comfort and protect me.
He is a wonderful provider and father but I need something more physical.
Something is missing. Is it possible I am a sub but don't know it.

George_L said...

Kenzy: My first question to you is, have you told him this explicitly? As a divorced man who outgrew his ex-wife in so many ways, I know the feeling that the marriage is totally doomed... ergo, I know "Talk to him about it!" isn't always realistic. Anyway, just asking.

Pygar: The phrase "good girl" is tough for me. My sub is much younger than me; in fact, I am older than her the exact amount she is older than my (grade school) daughter. I often catch myself calling my girlfriend "kiddo" or "my beautiful baby girl" which I immediately regret because they tend to cast the age difference in such sharp relief. I'm working on it. But after a particularly ... intense session Saturday I was calming my gf down and was essentially cooing to her, stroking, telling her I love her, etc. I'm curious what the reaction will be if I toss "What a good girl," in there as well.

Anonymous said...

paha poika!

Unknown said...

*LOL* to Px and "Anonymous"

*Gives Pygar big Hug* =)

Kenzy said...

Thanks for your input. I have talked to him, I have even purchased him handcuffs, restraints and special cushions. It's unfortunate he is overweight to the point that it affects his ability to keep it up.
I bought a D/s 101 book, and suggested we read it.
I just realized he probably doesn't understand that being a job isn't only about inflicting pain.

SnowCaptive said...

Stumbling over new (well new to me) blogs isn't always a nice surprise, i'm glad this one was :)

Pygar said...

Thank you Kenzy for both your comments. I am sorry that the intimacy is missing from your relationship. I do understand what a trial that can be.

George_L offers goo advice about communication - but from your response you have tried. Though I think there is further to go. Don't give up. There are clearly issues about understanding from both sides. If you can find ways to begin to talk and open up about these things then who knows where it may lead.

Good luck.

P xx

Pygar said...

Thanks Geaorge_L for your good advice to Kenzy.

Thank you too for your very perceptive comment to me. I really do understand where yo are coming from on this one. I have felt very similarly.

It surprised me though when I had a much younger sub it seemed no more of an issue than with an older one. I discovered that it wasn't about age - it was about care and love.

If you do toss in a "good girl" - do let us know how she responds, and how you felt about it too.

Good luck

- P

Pygar said...

Thank you anonymous! I think you have received my response ....


Thanks NewToThisLive07.


Did you understand it too?

Thank you for the big hug.

The are always welcome.

P xx

Pygar said...

I am pleased SnowCaptive that you have enjoyed stumbling across this blog. Do return and feel free to comment whenever you wish.


nbs said...

You have it exactly right in my opinion.

"good girl" is all about the power, for me.
Being called "girl" is demeaning and humiliating and i don't hear it often.

"good girl" is a phrase that for whatever deep reasons, makes me warm and smiling.
Thank you for the second post.

Pygar said...

No - thank you Nancy - very much!

P xx