youth versus experience

In a comment to my last post about Gor, Selkie wondered what happened to the middle aged women of Gor as all the women there seemed to be young, nubile slaves. It got me thinking again about how the supposed ideals of female beauty automatically seem to include youth. I know that men are often attracted to younger women and I cannot totally deny this in myself. Of course I can find young women attractive. However for me the ideal of female beauty is certainly not a very young woman. A chubby faced youngster cannot be beautiful as she has not the character on her face that is drawn by a few lines and creases. For me there needs to be that character for true beauty - so in this, older women can truly have the advantage. Perhaps one should search too for wisdom in a woman as well as physical beauty. Experience certainly helps to provide that.

This can apply the other way around. A couple of women have recently mentioned to me how attractive they find a particular young, male singer who is tall, dark and handsome and has a very fit and toned body. Of course I am not jealous (much!!!!) as I am sure they both also appreciate the lines of character and experience on my own face (written more in hope than expectation!)

So whilst any offers to me of a nubile, young Gorean slave would certainly not be turned away (if only!) I could be even more happy to accept an offer of a beautiful, middle aged slave!

Gor

When I was much, much younger I used to read science fiction novels occasionally. By chance I came across the novels of John Norman on the library shelves. Though many libraries have now removed them as some people found them offensive. They described the world of Gor where most women are slaves to their Gorean Masters. I enjoyed this element of the books though wished they had been slightly more explicit.

Gor was an imaginary planet many light years away but there are many today who try to live their lives according to Gorean principles. There are even some Gorean communities.

I find some of the Gorean ideas interesting and have used some at times. However for me living my life according to the dictates of a series of novels would feel much too limiting. I hate being bound by a series of rules - it is what makes me a Dom rather than a sub I suppose.

I am not trying to criticise those who do organise their lives in such a way. Part of me is jealous. I would love my own beautiful Gorean slave girl! But for me the is something just a bit too "Treckie"about the whole thing.

Thank You

Thank you to all who have now linked to Uncle Agony - and especially to those who have added such helpful comments there.

Now if any of you have a problem ...

... you know what to do!

The progress of Uncle Agony

Thank you to those of you who recommended that I start the Uncle Agony blog. It seems to have started off quite well.

Thank you especially to my friend Dragonfly who recommended it to readers of her Sisters in Submission blog here.

Two other blogging friends have linked to it. They are Bette Noir and Daddy's cutesypah. If any others have done so that I have missed - please let me know. I would be grateful though for more links from other blogging friends to hep increase its readership.

There are quite a number of letters of advice that have been published now with responses. A new one was published yesterday and another will be published later in the week.

The purpose of the blog was that those asking from advice would receive advice from a number of people. It was because I knew that I was not a font of wisdom that I thought of it - so that those who were troubled could benefit from a range of advice. So please, please if you visit Uncle Agony then feel free to comment. I can understand reluctance. It is difficult to set oneself up as having the right answer. I think we know that often there is no right answer - but support and good wishes from others in the community can often be so helpful. So do try to comment on the posts as you pass by.

Thank you.

not such a kind Dom ...

I want to beat her.

I'm not feeling angry or cross. I don't want to take out any frustrations on anyone.

No

I just want to see her bottom wriggle and her legs kick as it starts to get harder for her.

I want to take her close to that point where given a choice between saying "please hit me harder" and "please stop" she is almost ready to plead, "please stop." Perhaps I will take her right up to that point.

Then I will stroke and caress her bottom and kiss it gently.

I will take her in my arms and hold her tight and hug her close.

I will look into her sparkling eyes and bask in her beautiful smile.

training and conditioning

I just want to come back to the arguments I was struggling to make in my earlier post about conditioning. I'm not sure I have managed to express myself well - or can do so any better now.

I think I was wondering whether "training", which is a concept often taken on board in D/s relationship, whilst often appropriate within such a relationship could become a problem if that relationship were to end. I discussed it earlier in relation to conditioning that might be difficult to undo at the end of a relationship. But is that just a risk one has to take within a committed D/s relationship? Is it any different from someone having the name of a loved partner tattooed onto their arm?

I think for me it was the psychological and emotional nature of the conditioning that seemed a problem - but why should this be the case more than a physical modification?

Perhaps in the end if there is a commitment then there may be risks that one has to accept. But I think too that in "training" or "conditioning" - as with instructions for permanent physical change - that a Dom should recognise implication of what he is doing. Permanent modification of any sort is not to be taken lightly - whether it is physical, emotional or psychological.

emotional sadism

A recent writer to Uncle Agony got me thinking about emotional sadism.

I recognise there is some inherrent sadism in me - that I can get enjoyment from inflicting pain in certain rcumstances. But those circumstances are a scenario within which the person receiving the pain is also gaining some fulfillment from the activity.

I am not sure though that a person receiving emotional sadism can get fulfillment in the same way - or if so whether it is healthy.

There are I am sure emotional masochists - but is that a healthy place be? Should a kind Dom feed emotional maochism?

conditioning

I have just published a new post on the Uncle Agony blog here.

It is an email from a woman who has been conditioned by her Dom so that she can only have an orgasm when given permission. She has now left her Dom and finds that she cannot break that conditioning. She finds herself unable to orgasm and is finding that very stressful.

Having to ask permission before coming to orgasm is something that many Doms require of their subs. That control of a sub's sexuality is something that many Doms and subs find erotic and satisfying. It can be seen as part of a sub's "training".

The emails from my sub friend have made me wonder about the ethics of this if it goes so far as to become conditioning. A sub may be parted permanently from her Master not just through a breakdown in the relationship but also for instance through a tragic bereavement. Would a Dom really want his sub to be left unhappy, frustrated and unsatisfied in such a way?

There may well be other aspects of training becoming conditioning that could prove equally problematic.

Uncle Agony

I have started the new blog. You can find it here.

The purpose of the blog is to air some of the requests for advice that I have received publicly - but anonymously. Readers are invited to contribute their advice through the comments. Please ensure that comments are intended kindly and supportively. I know regular readers of this blog will comment helpfully.

If anybody has a question or problem that they would like airing there - then please email me.

I would be grateful for links from blogs and any other publicity that you can give. I will of course try to provide reciprocal links.

why it went so well

Forgive me for returning to my time with lili - it is hard to dismiss it from my mind. It went so very well and I want to share with you my reflections on some of the factors that helped it go so well.

First of all we trusted each other very much. lili knew she was safe with me and I trusted her to be open and honest with me. It helped make much of what we did possible. lili knew that I would not harm her. It enabled her to let herself go in ways that might otherwise have been impossible.

We were also completely open and honest with each other. We were open about our desires. There was no fear or shame in this for either of us. So we were able to try to fulfil each other's fantasies.

We wanted it to be good for each other so we listened to each other. We watched out for possible signs of distress or potential problems to head them off before they caused difficulties. This helped to further develop our trust.

We tried to start slowly and build up gently ... but we seemed to move at quite a pace and did more than I had expected. However there is still lots more that we want to try - and know now that we can make work, building on our successful time together.

Some may see some of this as topping from the bottom - but to me it was two people with genuine care and affection for each other trying to bring each other's fantasies true. To that end we were very successful.

I hope this is helpful to others.

I am going to be away over the Easter weekend but will write of the new blog on my return.

home again

Thank you for the supportive comments below while I have been away. I am persuaded by the positive response to the idea of the new blog and will start it soon.

Thank you also for the kind comments wishing me well in my rendezvous. I am sure they helped!

She and I have been online friends for a long time now with only a short break after our brief online D/s relationship had to end. Since then our friendship has grown. We met for only a very short time a few weeks ago. That went well. We were eager to meet again and have some quality time together where we could for just a short time explore the possibilities of what submission and domination might be like for us together in the real world.

We have grown to trust each other and respect each other. It felt as if so much might be possible.

But real life is different from online. Just being with someone 24/7 for a few days who one only really knows from emails and blogs is fraught with problems. Even people very close to each other can irritate each other and fall out when on top of each other. She and I are also used to having a lot of space to ourselves. So this was fraught with danger from the start.

So how did we cope?

Well I drove across the country to meet a beautiful woman. She is beautiful. I am in awe of her beauty.

She became again My beautiful woman.

Very soon she became my beautiful slut.

Faster than I would have believed possible she also became my beautiful pain slut.

Mine.

That beautiful woman. I became aware too of the variety of her beauty - how it changed and developed in different contexts.

We lost track of time. I often had no idea of what the time was or even what day it was. We forgot to eat. We forgot to sleep. We had other things to do that seemed so much more important. We were just wrapped up in each other - in each others needs and desires.

We had fun. We had great fun.

I will not go into salacious detail here ... but perhaps lili or Beau may do soon in their blogs. I have not decided yet.

It was a very special time. We both felt it. We both learned and grew from our time together.

It worked because we cared for each other, we trusted each other and we respected each other.

Whatever happens in the future I will remember our far too short time together with great fondness for as long as my memory remains intact.

I hope though now she is a beautiful woman again ... that at some time she may if even briefly become my beautiful woman again.

Thank you lili.

Thank you so very, very much.

while I am away ...

I am going away ~ soon ~ for a few days salacious fun with a deeply sensual and desirable submissive woman.

I am sure my energies and thoughts will be directed at her and that could leave me with little time to write here.

So in the meantime I wonder if you can help me dear readers? I am thinking of starting yet another blog - not to replace the Pygar blog but in addition to it. I am unsure if this is a good idea as I have more than enough blogs already. Also I may have a little less uninterrupted time at the computer soon. However if there is enough interest in it and I can organise it without too much trouble then I may give it a go.

Since writing Pygar I have received a number of letters from subs asking me for advice about personal and relationship problems. I have no particular expertise in this area but I have always tried to respond honestly and kindly usually stressing the importance of communications. It has often struck me though that there are others who read my blog and comment who have more experience and wisdom than me. I wondered what advice they might have given.

So my idea is that subs or Doms with a D/s relationship issues or personal problems could write to Pygar - or I may set up a separate email address. Pygar would then publish the letter anonymously on the new blog, possibly comment himself and invite comments from readers. I would moderate the comments to ensure nothing deliberately hurtful or abusive was written.

In the UK magazines often have problem pages where people share personal problems and an "agony aunt" gives advice. So I have come up with the title - "Uncle Agony" - which fits with the D/s theme! I have even designed a template to get it started quickly if I decide to go ahead.

However there is only any point if people write in with their problems and if others are kind enough to offer honest advice. So what do you think dear readers? Is it worth a try?

I would be very grateful for your advice or other thoughts on the idea.

on being a slut

I called her "my slut" often. She revelled in it. She delighted in having rediscovered her sensuality and a powerful sexual desire. It had not always been like this. At the start she made it clear she did not want to be called a "slut" or a "whore". She was neither of these things. She could not understand how being addressed in this way would support her journey into submission.

But her submission made her wet. It filled her with desire. She cried out for release. She wanted release over and over. She started to call herself a slut. My slut. She became proud to be my slut.

She and I knew that this word is used as a term of abuse often by men but also often by other women towards a woman because of her active sexuality. If a man has several partners then other men are jealous. It is seen as a sign of virility. It can be regarded as a positive characteristic. Women are often drawn to such men rather than being repelled by their behaviour. Their sexual virility is in itself alluring. However if a woman has several partners, flaunts her sexuality or dresses in a sexually provocative manner this is often seen negatively by society and condemned. The word "slut" is then often used as a term of abuse against such women. In "real life", outside of the special D/s world we shared, I would never call anyone a slut. It is a horrible word in that context and not one that it would occur to me ever to use. However it is all a matter of context and understanding.

So when I called her my slut that was in the context of our relationship. Out in the day to day world of her profession and her friends she was a slightly cool and reserved woman. Nobody would have called her a slut.

In real life she would never have been called a slut but I noticed her beginning to loosen a little and enjoying expressing a little more slight intimacy and contact and becoming pleased by the results. But in our relationship we were inhabiting a special private place where we could be things that society might not like and that we might not dream of being out in that real world.

In our special place I wanted her to be a wanton woman who could be as sexually open and active as she desired with no expectations of society to hold her back. I wanted her to want sex with her Master, to crave it, to crave his sexual pleasure too. I wanted her to be totally uninhibited about it. So if I called her a slut we had turned the value judgement part of the meaning of the word around. It was no longer a term of abuse because in the relationship we had created to be wanton and sexually active was a positive trait not a negative one. So being a slut became an expression of praise rather than admonishment. I wanted her to be my slut. That was part of her purpose in the world we had created. If it gave her an additional frisson because it was something "forbidden" that she was doing, that she had found a safe place to be "bad", then all to the good. Sometimes using the word "slut" can heighten that sense.

So she was my slut. I had perhaps helped to create that slut. We both had fun with her being my slut.

But just recently another friend called herself a slut - though I thought with some reservation - as if she was worried she should feel some shame about a recent sexual adventure. I hope she can reclaim the word "slut" as a positive characteristic - as a woman who is confident about her sexuality and is prepared to have fun in the ways that she wants as long as she hurts nobody else.

beautiful women

Thank you to all who responded with such kind comments to the previous post.

I wonder if the subs who commented, with the permission of course of their Masters, might carry out this task for me. (Sorry to leave you out Tristan - perhaps you might like to instruct pet do do it!) Any other subs who feel like giving it a try are welcome to join in!

Look into the mirror and say all together . . .

one . . .

two . . .

three . . .

"I am a beautiful woman."

Well done. Thank you.

Good girls.

a beautiful woman

I had undressed her. She was standing naked before me. She looked embarrassed and had her head down. I made her lift her head proudly.

"You are a beautiful woman. What are you?"

"I am a beautiful woman Sir," she replied nervously, unconvinced.

Soon she was looking down again so this was repeated.

Later we were snuggled in bed together naked and happy.

I looked into her bright and sparkling eyes.

"What are you?"

"I am your beautiful woman."

The smile on her face as she spoke was the most beautiful you can imagine. I can see it still.