Seasonal Greetings

Wishing all my readers an enchanting, spellbound and magical festive season.

Pygar xxxx

enchantment

I came across this word a little while ago - I forget the context but it was on a bdsm chat site.

The word - enchantment - jumped out at me as if it held a special meaning. I have looked at he dictionary definitions that in no way begin to describe what the word meant to me.

I thought back to two relationships where I felt I may have fallen love - whatever that may mean. I know they were special times with special women where my heart was captured and I may have been tempted to behave irrationally at times.

Perhaps I had been enchanted. There is magic and power in the word that seemed to better describe how I had felt.

There is something in the word too that has a feeling of possession and being possessed. I wondered if that powerful aspect might make it even more applicable to descriptions of relationships that had domination and submission at its heart.

Have you ever been enchanted?

- Or perhaps you are skilled at enchanting others . . .

cookie recipes

It is time for the second annual Great Online Cookie Exchange Extravaganza organised by Jz.

I have published my recipe on my Beau blog here.

Happy cooking and eating.

erotica and porn

Chatting with a friend the other day she said that she could deep-throat and often enjoyed it. However she hated it when a man held her head and forced himself into her mouth.

I wondered if the easy availability of so much porn with this kind of activity has made some men believe that behaviour like this is acceptable without having gained consent. Has porn made too many men confuse the line between fantasy and reality?

This is even more the case in BDSM. There is so much porn available of women being seriously hurt and appearing to enjoy it and get off on it. It is of course fantasy but is presented as reality. Yes there are many subs who can get off on pain in certain circumstances but as with vanilla porn what appears in videos is very different from what goes on in most peoples bedrooms.

I am worried that in a BDSM context it could cause inexperienced Doms to have inappropriate expectations that could put their subs at risk.

In terms of presenting unrealistic fantasy I am guilty of that myself. Some of my fantasies have appeared in writing in my Beau blog and the Dragonfly Geisha blog as well as elsewhere. They are fantasies and there is nothing wrong with that - unless of course readers expect real life to be like that. Then it can get dangerous.

Have any readers had experience of unrealistic expectations possibly caused by porn? Do any of you have views about the good and bad use of pornography?

Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing all readers from the other side of the Atlantic a very Happy Thanksgiving.

If any of you are still unsure about how to prepare the turkey I have published a video of a novel approach on my Beau blog here. Have fun!

and ...

... thank you also to Southern Sir who nominated my Uncle Agony blog for a VBA. Much appreciated.

more thanks (and an apology)

I had not noticed that at least two other bloggers had also nominated me for a VBA award. They were Sky and Sweet girl.

Again thank you very much to you both for your kindness. Please accept my apologies from missing you out on the previous post.

P xx

Thank you to thesubmissivebf and to subrosanomore for nominating me for the VBA (versatile blogger award.) You are very kind and it is appreciated.

More soon.

Pxx

wickedness

The desires expressed in comments to my previous post by subs - for Doms with at least a degree of wickedness, if not downright evil, reminded me of some posts written several years ago. There I bemoaned the fact that it was the bad guy who always seemed to get the girl.

If you missed them then do look back here, here and here.

kind or evil ... or a little bit of both?

In the comments to my last post Shadow described himself as an evil Dom. I wondered whether subs would be attracted more to an evil Dom than a kind one. Shadow felt that the evil Dom definitely had an advantage. Anna also recognised the appeal of a evil dom.

I am sure there may be times when I have a glint in my eye when I may play the part of the evil Dom - but deep down I hope I cannot be truly evil but instead my kindness will ensure my subs know they are safe.

However I do wonder whether many subs secretly crave the danger of an evil Dom and whether or not it is important to know if they scratch the surface that there is some care and kindness there also.

a "bit of fun"

blossom has recent published a post here asking readers to say what kind of 'slut' they are. So far readers have suggested ideas such as "faithful slut", "submisive slut" and "obedient slut".

It got me thinking about applying the same idea to Doms when I recollected I called this blog "a kind Dom". After my first meeting with a sub friend she described me as "a sensual Dom". I rather liked that and have used it since.

So I wonder if other Doms have a characteristic they use to describe themselves or whether subs have a word they would use to describe their Dom.

So I am "a kind Dom" or "a sensual Dom". What about others?

The Light in Things

A good online friend kirana has started a new blog here. I hope it may shine a ray of light for us.

Do pop in and say hello.

power

Some of you may know that for a few years I used to visit escorts. I had been faithful to my wife throughout my marriage until then. I needed something else and knew I could not handle an affair so ...

My first Beau blog - beau de jour - was about those experiences.

The power exchange part of an escort encounter is interesting. Most would assume the power is held by the man - the client. He is paying for sex so has the power. However I feel it is - and perhaps has to be for safety - the opposite. The escort lays down the rules on what can and cannot take place. She sets the boundaries - the hard limits if you like. These are necessary to protect her emotional safety as well as her physical safety. On the escort websites there are long lists in the services often of what they do or do not provide. The FAQ pages emphasise this even more. Very, very few escorts advertise themselves as submissive though many will provide Domme services.

They are the ones who need to be in power in this exchange. If the man (client) was in charge - then why would he have to pay? LOL

So much of relationships is about power and our interpretation of this. That I guess is what D/s and BDSM is all about. Even in D/s and BDSM there are long disputes about power - for example discussions on "topping from the bottom". Perhaps all relationships are about power but D/s is more open about it. Perhaps also D/s is the only one where one partner claims to desire to be the one to relinquish all power to the other.

Is D/s just different ends of a continuum of power exchange within all relationships?

dominance and obedience

A couple of weeks ago I published an email question here on Uncle Agony. I was a little surprised to see it generated only one comment whereas the previous post had provoked a much larger response. Clearly some questions are seen as more interesting than others or can give rise to more ideas of support.

Perhaps it was because the question seemed to be more of a domestic issue than a D/s issue. However for me there were some key D/s points.

To summarise briefly signed loving has fallen out with her husband's (also her Dominant) family. He wants her to go and make up with them. She finds that difficult. Her husband rather than instructing her to do so has not pushed her but wants her to resolve it when she is ready.

I think there is an issue as to whether in a domestic discipline situation her husband should instruct her to resolve the problem. It is clearly distressing to him and she has promised obedience. So should he not just tell her to sort things out and expect it to be done. He seems to be being very reasonable, recognising the consequences of forcing an issue that might be very important to his wife. However isn't the point of a domestic discipline relationship that the husband takes responsibility and should decide what needs to be done and instruct it to happen?

Also from the wife's point of view as she wants to please her husband and not spoil the "bliss" of their current relationship - should she not instigate what is necessary to resolve the situation from her own initiative? Does she not have a duty to bow to her husbands wishes rather than putting her own feelings first?

It just seems to me that the response to the question might be different in a domestic discipline relationship as opposed to in a vanilla relationship.

Any thoughts?

while I am away ...

I shall be away for a couple of weeks.

To keep you busy while I am away I have published a new email exchange here on Uncle Agony.

Do visit and add your comments.

Thanks

P xx