where to find me...

I initially mistyped "find" as "fond". That put the word "fondle" into my mind. Much as I would like to, I am afraid I cannot let you know at the moment "where to fondle me...", much as I would like to.

;)

But if you want to find me then I have recently started to put a few photographs on Instagram. You can find them here.

I do not have time to post here regularly at the moment so apologies. If 'Uncle Agony' gets any new emails though then I will attempt to reply to them and share the discussion if appropriate.

100 days of solitude

One of my favourite authors is Gabriel García Márquez. and my favourite novels of his are Love in the Time of Cholera and 100 Years of Solitude. They are both titles that lend themselves to our current situation.

I hope we don't have 100 years of solitude! Even 100 days will be bad if it comes to that.

I wonder how submissives and dominants are managing if they are necessarily separated. How successfully can a D/s relationship survive at a distance?

Clearly it is very different from a real time D/s or relationship with face to face (or other bodily parts!) personal contact. However many do have virtual or long distance relationships.

Some years ago I had a number of very successful and fulfilling online D/s and BDSM relationships. They were very real and very meaningful for me and I believe for my partners. Much of the communication was by email and messaging rather than by videoing. It was amazing how powerful this could be.

If you are trying to maintain a BDSM relationship at a distance, I hope it is working well for you. Who knows it may get even more intense through the effort in making new protocols work.

Good luck.

Love in the time of Coronavirus 2...

I haven't done any blog browsing in ages. Then this morning I clicked at random at a couple of links. I found myself on Oatmeal Girls' blog Submission and Metaphore.

It seems her Demon Muse is having "a hard time staying away" from her. So she was told to "send him a little sex" that evening. You can see the result on her blog here.

I hope it gave him pleasure. It did me - and I hope you too.

I wonder if you too are having a hard time being away from your partner at this time and how you may be resolving it?

Love in the time of Coronavirus...

Fetish to the rescue!

The medical fetish firm MedFetUK has donated their entire stock of disposable scrubs to an NHS hospital.

It seems they had enquiries from a number of NHS hospitals who were desperate to find sources of supply. You can read the full story on their Twitter thread here.

BDSM, sex, sluttishness, submission, fetish, domination, bondage, beating and...

...COVID-19

Well I hope the title got your attention.

:)

I am sorry not to have been around for a while. I am well. I hope that you and your nearest and dearest are too. Stay safe and keep others safe. There is a lot of information and advice out there. Some of it is good advice some is bad and some is even mischievous. I have no particular expertise in this area so will not offer my own advice to add to the jumble. Instead I am going to shamelessly pinch from Fetlife part of a short post they have written there with some excellent links. If you would like to read the whole post it is here.

If you've been following the news recently you've probably heard of the Coronavirus or COVID-19. And, depending on where you live, there might already be recommendations or regulations in place to combat the spread of COVID-19 where you live.

In the news, across the internet, and on FetLife... many people are telling others what they should and shouldn't be doing. Instead of telling people what to do, which we find very seldom works, we wanted to share with you links that we've found useful so that you can make informed decisions for you and your loved ones.

:::::   :::::   :::::

General

• Wikipedia: Coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19)
• World Health Organization
• Advice For Public
• Q&A
• Latest Updates
• Flatten the Curve
• Act & Prepare: Do and Do Nots

Real-Time Dashboards

• Global Cases Dashboard by Johns Hopkins University
• Surveillance Dashboard by University of Virginia

By the Numbers

• Coronavirus: Why You Must Act Now

United States

• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Canada

• Government of Canada: Coronavirus disease (COVID-19)

UK

• NHS - Coronavirus (COVID-19)

Other Useful Resources

For those who are missing school or have kids that are missing school:

Khan Academy - Classes For Children and Teens
450 Ivy League Courses

:::::   :::::   :::::

But most importantly of course (this bits from me!)...

!!! PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS !!!

Halloween...

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BOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





:)

P xxx

youth, maturity and freedom

I have finally got round to responding to a very interesting comment by D to my last post. You can read her comment and my response here.

The whole comment was very interesting but my response concentrated her thoughts about the youthfulness of the three women who I discussed. My initial reaction was that I might have been patronising in my attitude. I may or may not have been but it is good to reflect on ones own reactions and learn from them.

My thoughts have now come to reviewing society's attitude towards the actions of younger and older people. D mentioned the notion of "youthful folly" as a way of demeaning the actions of young people. However there is an equivalent attitude to older people in the often used phrase "old enough to know better".

Does this give more freedom for younger people to act out their fantasies in a way that older people cannot? Once one attains a certain level of maturity does this take away an element of freedom that younger people are allowed?

I am fortunate in having a number of younger friends. Their youthfulness and enthusiasm keeps me alive and supports and feeds my own enthusiasms. However, I can remember my own trials and fears as a young person so I do not underestimate the pressures upon them.

Is this balanced though by the restrictions placed on us as we become more "mature"? Old enough to know better! Is one more limited in what one can do publicly as one gets older? Can younger people get away with more?

As a younger person do you appreciate such freedom?

As a more mature person are you jealous of it?

public demonstration of bdsm relationship

A public demonstration of a BDSM relationship might be as little as wearing a collar or other symbol in public. Though recently I have seen a number of women wearing collars when I have not been sure whether it was worn as a fashion item rather than as a true demonstration of a BDSM commitment or lifestyle.

An example sprang up recently when I was in Germany. This was at the main large railway station in Leipzig. There was a shopping mall as part of the station facilities. This included a nice bookshop with a pleasant coffee shop. We had some time to spend at the railway station and had spent a little while in one cafe so moved on to the coffee shop in the bookshop. It was very pleasant and we had some very nice coffee and cake. While we were sitting there I notice three young women in the corner. They were perhaps late teens or early twenties. They were dressed in a goth style. I noticed at first that one of them, a young woman with long red hair, was wearing a collar. A little later I realised that there was a lead attached to the collar, held by her friend who looked a little more butch with shorter black hair. Another woman with long dark hair looked on. They were there for some time just drinking their coffees as we were. Being in the corner they were not very noticeable and nobody seemed to pay them much attention. I wondered when they left whether the short haired woman would lead her friend out with the chain attached.

She did!

:)

This was a very public, very vanilla space. These young people did nothing other than dress as they wished and made a slight statement through one leading out the other attached by a chain. They made no big deal of it.

So why am I?

Well, I was wondering I suppose whether this was a genuine BDSM relationship, perhaps poly. Or rather was it just a fashion statement? Some young people enjoying dressing up and being different in a way that might have been seen to be slightly edgy.

It doesn't matter really which it was. Though it made me wonder if they were happy to do this - should we not all be happy to do much the same?

I have led Inès by a chain in public in a club space, but not in public in a vanilla setting. If these young people are happy to do it then why not me?

Have you displayed BDSM trappings in a vanilla environment? Would you?

If not - then why not?

while I was away...

Sorry not to have posted for a while. It has been SO hectic since I got back from my time in Germany. (More of that soon!)

I found some of my Blogger visitor stats interesting today. Given that it is such a long time since I posted, recent posts are less likely to be neat the top of visited posts. So other posts that have attracted visors will have been via Google (mostly) and other search engines. These are the most popular posts as found in the last week by search engines:

body modification
"good girl"
Internal Enslavement
Primal
praise

I wonder if readers find these particular posts interesting - or have any idea why search engines do?

vacation

I'm going to be away for a couple of weeks. Part of the time I shall be in Berlin so if you know of any fun taking place there, do let me know.

;)

:)

More when I get back...

a BDSM spectrum

In a reply to a tweet I posted EisleyXO wrote "I feel like it’s more of a bdsm spectrum now more than ever."

There clearly is a wide spectrum of what people would consider as BDSM or D/s. At one end it may get close to an example I gave in an earlier post about service with little or no play or sexual element. At the other end it could involve heavy sado-masochist play and a slave contract.

So what would the minimum be for a relationship to be regarded as BDSM?

EisleyXO suggested, "Creating a safe environment, pushing limits, ensuring proper after care, and giving a sub the attention they crave could be considered the bare minimum of a d/s dynamic..."

I could agree with most of this but is "pushing limits" an essential part of a BDSM relationship? Though that is perhaps getting into a different discussion. (Perhaps next week!)

For now I wonder what others regard as the bare minimum for a dynamic to be considered BDSM?

loving care as an act of submission

I came across an interesting post on Fetlife recently. The writer was discussing the act of caring for someone as an act of submission. She was asking if there were male or female submissives who got off on just being caring and kind through looking out for anything their dominant might desire or need in their daily lives. The discussion was about this in a non-sexual or BDSM contact. It was purely about offering service and gaining enjoyment through this care and support. There was no search for punishment or reward. The only reward would be the fact that the dominant had been made happy and that they were appreciative of the care. The fulfilment was coming from the fact that the submissive knew they had done the best they could to do everything as perfectly as possible for their dominant and made them happy.

I think this may well be part of many D/s relationships. However for it to be the sole context of the D/s relationship would, I think, be unusual.

I wonder if it is part of your own D/s relationship?

I am slightly conflicted by this notion. I think of myself as dominant rather than submissive and I don't switch. However I like to give pleasure. I offer care and support to my submissives and gain pleasure from this. After all I am a Kind Dom. Does that mean I have submissive tendencies or am I merely manipulative!

;)

Toni

This post isn't about BDSM or D/s or anything at all salacious I am afraid.

It is just to mark the death of Toni Morrison who may have been the greatest American novelist of the last hundred years or so. If she had been male and white then perhaps she would be more widely celebrated as such. Though to be fair she was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. (But then again so was Bob Dylan. Not that I don't like Bob but, well...)

I think I may have quoted from her once long ago in a post on my Beau blog but I can't find it now or the reason for it.

I have looked for her books on my shelves and found a couple. Others may have been lent out long ago and never returned. I hope I may find time this summer to re-read her novels and perhaps read ones of hers I am yet to discover.

On a review just now I heard her being talked of as describing the black experience. No. She described the human experience. So wonderfully.

Thank you Toni.

BDSM podcasts

Not long ago I wrote a post blogging and age profile. In it I discussed a possible move away from blogging to other social networking possibilities. I have recently realised there is another approach that I did not discuss then - podcasts.

Podcasts are an increasingly popular medium. I have read a couple of articles recently about the growth of sex related podcasting. I listen to the radio a lot and might occasionally catch up on programmes I have missed using my computer or tablet. However I do not subscribe to any podcasts though I have occasionally wondered about browsing them. I wondered if there were many BDSM related podcasts. So I Googled BDSM podcasts.

I am clearly the last to catch up with this phenomena. There were pages and pages of results. Erotica, discussions, advice - the variety was huge. It is even available on Apple podcasts and on Spotify.

So is that Pygar's new way forward? Should Uncle Agony give out his advice on a podcast rather than a blog? Is listening to articles, thoughts and ideas the the way busy people can have time to access them rather than by reading? It may also be it is a way for people to access longer posts.

Do you listen to podcasts? Would you prefer to listen to blog posts rather than read them? Do you follow any BDSM podcasts? If you do have any recommendations for good BDSM related podcasts do let us know. Perhaps I should link to some on the side bar as well as blogs.

And what about Pygar? Do I need to start practising my audio skills and start recording and broadcasting?

flu

I've had a nasty virus for over a week now and can't seem to shake it off.

Is anyone available to pop round and soothe my fevered brow?

Or at least find some other way of cheering me up a bit!